Home with you
by fanficteacher
Summary: Tris and Tobias decide to move in together. Will Tris be able to overcome her fears? Will they be able to conquer the obstacles that come their way? No War - Takes place before Insurgent.
1. Chapter 1

"What do you mean you are moving in with Will, Christina?"

"Look, Tris, I know you and I said we would live together when we finally got our own apartments but Will asked me if I wanted to share a place with him and I really want to. I'm not sure where our relationship is going but I want to give this a shot. Really, I thought you would be somewhat happy about this because now you have an excuse to move in with Four."

"Christina, we don't really have that kind of relationship and we haven't even talked about it. I was really looking forward to getting out of the dorms and moving in with you."

"Well, sorry to disappoint you. You know, Will and I don't have that kind of relationship either … yet. Hey, you never know. Besides, just because you live with someone doesn't mean you have to have sex. There are other ways to occupy your time together." The fact that Christina said this followed by a wink makes me madder than I had been before.

"Umm…that's not at all what I was talking about. I really don't want to hear about what you and Will do behind closed doors."

"Tris, don't be such a prude. Don't you want to get over this fear of yours sooner rather than later?"

"I think we are getting off topic here. So, am I officially without a roommate," I asked as I was getting increasingly more annoyed with her.

"Your intimacy issues are too on topic. Isn't that why you don't want to move in with Four? And yes, you are officially without me as a roommate."

"Look, I don't want to be roommates with Four because it seems a bit fast and strange. What am I supposed to do, just ask him if he wants to share his apartment but stipulate that sex will not be part of the arrangement?"

"You guys love each other right? I'm sure you will make it all work. I have to go. I didn't pack all of my stuff yesterday and I don't have much time today. Will I see you at the party later?

"Yeah, I will be there."

I watched as Christina left the cafeteria and sigh outwardly. What am I going to do now? Do I want to live with Tobias? I'm afraid that it will bring all of my/our issues to the forefront and they will constantly be getting in the way. Who am I kidding, they get in the way constantly now. Every time we even start to get close I panic and push away. I do want to deal with my fears but I don't know if this is the best way to do it. Well, I have to figure something out because I currently don't have a roommate or a place to live.

"Good morning," Tobias said as he sits at the table across from me. "What's wrong?"

"Hey. How are you? I was surprised when I didn't see you down here earlier."

"Yeah, I had to help finalize all the paperwork on the new members. You didn't tell me what's wrong though. Why are you avoiding my question, Tris," Tobias said while smirking and taking a bite out of his muffin.

"Christina told me that she and Will are going to share an apartment now that we are moving out of the dorms. We can start moving out today."

"I think I'm missing the part where that is a problem."

"It's not really a problem. It's just that Christina and I were planning on rooming together, that's all. So, now that she has switched things up, I'm left without my friend as a roommate." I stare down at my hands while I say this because I don't want to watch Tobias's reaction. I don't know why this feels so awkward.

"Tris? Tris, look at me."

I lift my head to look at Tobias. He regards me with an emotion in his eyes that I can't quite place. Is it hope, fear? I'm not sure.

"You could move in with me, if you wanted to."

I just stare at him. What do I say to that? I could tell him no, and then watch the disappointment written all over his face or maybe I would see relief. Why is he even suggesting it? Is he asking because he wants me to move in or because he thinks that's what I want and he doesn't want to hurt my feelings? If I do move in with him, will he expect things out of me? What if I can't get over my fear and be with him in the way he wants? Will he think it's a waste living with me? As the wheels in my head keep spinning, Tobias reaches out his hand and takes ahold of mine.

"Tris, what are you thinking about? It looks like you are having a war inside your head," he said with a sheepish grin on his face. "Talk to me."

I look at our entwined hands as I answer him. "I don't know. Do you want me to move in with you?" My voice is barely above a whisper.

I can see his shoulders shrug in response to my question. "I want whatever makes you happy. It's no big deal."

Something about the way he says this isn't convincing. Perhaps it's the way his voice seemed to tighten as he spoke or the way his shoulders went rigid when he was done. I hate that I am the cause of his uneasiness when it comes to any subject that relates back to my fear. "Now you aren't answering the question." I smile as I continue to talk after recalling how he caught me earlier in my omission of what was wrong. "Do you want me to move in with you?"

As he looks intently in my eyes, holding my hand, I brush circles on his hand with my thumb, willing him to tell me how he feels. He sighs and says, "yes, I want you to move in with me. I don't want to pressure you though." I can see his insecurity and apprehension as he continues his explanation in a quick succession. "This doesn't change anything, I promise. I won't pressure you into anything you don't want to do and if you aren't comfortable with it, we don't have to move in together. It really is no big deal." He smiles at this last statement realizing the absurdity of it. "It was nice when you stayed over before and I would like more of that. I want to get to know you better and be with you always."

My heart melted at this confession and in that moment, I couldn't imagine anywhere I would rather live than with Tobias. "Okay, let's do this."


	2. Chapter 2

It has been a week since I moved in with Tobias. Things are going pretty well, though they can be awkward at times. Just yesterday morning, Tobias got out of the shower and must have thought that I was still asleep. As I turned over to face his side of the bed, I opened my eyes and he was changing into his clothes by his dresser and I saw his naked backside. No big deal right? I wanted to die. I felt my face get red every time I talked to him throughout the day. He didn't even know what happened. I don't know why I get so embarrassed about such things around him. It's just silly and I really need to work on getting over it but I just don't know how.

He has been really sweet and like he said, he is kinder than he was during training. He is always thinking of me and says the sweetest things. Last night, I was laying in his arms right before we fell asleep and he sighed deeply and said, "I love the feel of you in my arms." It's moments like these that I couldn't imagine myself anywhere else. He makes me so happy at times I feel like I could burst.

Then other times I feel like my issues are just too much for us to conquer. I feel myself shut down and close myself off when I feel too overwhelmed by the inadequacies I feel at times. Tobias is an attractive, young teenager who should be with someone who can give him what he wants and needs. I can't help but remind myself that I am not that person, and I am afraid that I never will be. I wish I could talk to him about these things but I just don't know how to even start. Instead, I just keep it all in my head and try to go through each day as if my issues are the furthest things from my mind.

"Hey Tris, has your fear number changed yet?" Christina nearly shouts as she and Will join me and Tobias at a table at breakfast.

I spit out the water that was in my mouth from just taking a drink when I hear her question. Everyone looks amused as they hand me napkins to clean up the mess I just made. "Christina, shut up!" I say as I turn beet red.

"Is that a no, then?" I look at her with my mouth hanging open. I can't believe she has just asked me this in front of Tobias and Will. I am mortified. Thankfully Tobias catches on to the fact that I am really uncomfortable and changes the subject, talking about the party that is happening tomorrow night. It's supposed to be a huge gathering and everyone will be there.

"No, you don't have to bring anything. There will be plenty of food and the alcohol will be flowing. If I know Zeke, everything will be taken care of.

As I listen to Tobias explain how the party will work, I look away and stew over what Christina said as she joined us. How dare she ask that question so flippantly. She has no idea how hard it is for me to face this fear. To her, it is a silly fear. I know it's not rational, but it is mine and it makes me shudder when I think about it. I have tried to think of what it is about the thought of being intimate with Tobias that scares me so much. I think it has something to do with rejection. I don't want to open myself up only to be rejected because I'm not adequate enough and don't know what I am doing. My inexperience certainly doesn't help in this area.

As Tobias finishes talking with Will and Christina, he squeezes my hand and says he needs to leave. We make plans to have lunch together and he and Will take off. I am left with Christina.

"Look, I am sorry I made you mad by my comment but I figured you had at least worked on getting over your fear. By the look on your face as the water shot out of your mouth, I take that to mean that you haven't even broached the subject yet." Christina chuckles as she stares at me expecting a response.

I just stare back at her and don't say a word.

She sighs and continues when it is clear that I am not going to say anything. "Tris, when are you going to stop acting like a child and get over this?"

I am too mad to just sit there at this point. I shoot back with, "you know what's childish, being a bully about something you don't even understand. Does it make you feel bigger and better than me to rub my fear in my face any chance you get?"

"I'm not rubbing your fear in your face or bullying you. Tris, you are right in that I don't understand this fear of yours but I don't think you really understand it either. If you did, you could start working on it like I know you want. Have you talked with Four about this?"

"That is none of your business," I spit back.

"Tris, come on. We are friends and I have your best interest at hear. Really, I do. What I meant when I said that you were being childish is that you are being childish because you aren't talking to Four about this. I can see it. This issue doesn't just affect you. The adult thing to do would be to talk this through so you can move on, together."

"Don't you think I already know that?"

"Well you must not because you aren't talking and no progress has been made. Tris, if you are waiting for Four to bring this up then you are a fool. Think about how he must feel about this. He probably doesn't want to ask you about it or bring it up because it will look like he wants something physical and he doesn't want to scare you away. He is in a no win situation here. You have to bring it up and let him help you with it. I have no ulterior motive here. I care about you and I want you to be happy. I see how you look at Four and how he looks at you. You both love each other. However, it seems you suck at communicating."

The fight in me deflates at her last statement because of just how true it is. This is the problem. I don't know how to talk about such person things with Tobias. We live together yet I can't broach this subject. Maybe I am a child. "Christina, I just don't know how to do this. I have never been in a relationship before and I'm afraid I'm going to screw it up. I also don't know how to talk about this. It's embarrassing and frustrating."

"Tris, lots of couples have similar issues but they find a way to work on it and through it with each other. Intimacy isn't just sex – it's about sharing a life with someone. Try thinking of it that way. Start talking and sharing your life with Four and the rest will follow. Don't rush it. It will all work out, I'm sure."

"I'm glad you have confidence in me because I don't. We'll see. I have to start somewhere so maybe I will try this. Thanks, but next time can you not bring up my fear to the entire room?"

Christina and I laugh a bit and she dives into telling me all about how she and Will have been getting closer. I zone out as I try and think through some things. Why can't I talk to Tobias? I mean we talk, but not about anything deep or remotely important. It suddenly hits me that this is ridiculous and I need to change this. I can do this. I am strong.

As I sit on the bed next to Tobias, I realize that I am indeed, not as strong as I thought.

"Sorry about Christina this morning. You looked pretty mad at her when I left," he said as he grabbed my hand and sat on the bed.

Oh my god, he is bringing it up. This is so embarrassing. "We talked through it, so it's fine now."

"What did you talk about?" He stares at our hands as he asks this, avoiding my face as he broaches the subject.

I just sit there. Why is this so hard for me? Why can't I talk to my boyfriend, whom I live with? As I open my mouth, a whisper escapes. "I don't know how to do this."

Tobias's eyes shoot up to mine and a concerned look stains his features. "You don't know how to do what?"

"This, talk about this stuff. I feel like such a child sometimes. Why is this so hard for me?" I jump off the bed and start pacing in front of where I was just sitting.

Tobias stands up slowly and grabs my hand as I start to make another pass by him on the track of my pacing. "Hey, this isn't easy for me either. We just have to figure this stuff out as we go."

"Why does it seem so easy for everyone else?" As I put my forehead against his I wrap my arms around him.

"Maybe it's because we were raised Abnegation and were taught that talking about ourselves was unacceptable. I'm not sure. But it's just the two of us here. You can tell me anything." When he finishes he kisses me on the forehead and waits for my response.

Before I can stop myself, my mouth opens and my words start tumbling out. "Sometimes I wonder if we made a mistake by moving in with each other so soon. You know? Maybe this would be easier if we were just dating and learned about one another without living together. I don't know if that would make a difference but sometimes I see other couples who don't live together and they are talking and giggling together while out and about and I wonder if that could have been us if we hadn't moved in together. You know? Does that make sense?" It's too late when I realize the mistake I have just made. I have let my unconnected, jumbled thoughts come out instead of some put together thoughts about us and our communicating. I have deflected the issues in the worst possible way.

"You don't want to live together?" I can hear the pain in Tobias's voice before I see the look on his face. "Tris, if this isn't what you want, you can move out. It's fine, really." He starts to move away from me as he says this.

"No, wait, that's not what I meant to say." I panic as I start to explain. "I just meant maybe we should think about if this is the best thing for us." What am I saying? This isn't at all what I wanted to say and I can't seem to stop the train wreck that is coming out of my mouth.

"We can talk about this later, okay, I have to go back to work. Don't worry about it Tris, it will be fine." And with that final statement, Tobias walks out of our apartment with a look of hurt despair on his face. It's a look that I put there and I don't know how to mend the chasm I have just created between us.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the kind, encouraging words. Keep it up! Hopefully I can add a bit more tomorrow :)**

I start to panic when I think of what I just did. Instead of opening up and talking to Tobias about my issues, I told him I didn't think we should live together. I have hurt him so badly, I can see it. Why did I do that? I have thought that maybe we moved in together too soon but what about moving out is going to help us communicate better? That's not what I want at all. I can't even get the basics of communicating with him right. I have made such a mess of things.

I have to figure this out, so I leave and seek out Christina. Thankfully, I find her in her apartment alone.

"What do you mean you told Four you didn't want to live together? Is that really what you want?"

"No, that is not what I want! It just came out. I mean, I had thought about it a few times – about how we moved in together too quickly but no, I don't want to move out. I think it just came out because I didn't know how to tell him what you and I talked about earlier today."

"Wait, what does what you and I talked about earlier have to do with what you said to Four?" Christina sounded quite confused as she asked this question. I really don't blame her.

"Well, when Four came into the apartment at lunch, he said it looked like I was really mad when he left this morning. I told him it was fine, that you and I had talked about it and we were okay. He then asked me what we talked about and I froze. I didn't know what to say and I told him that I didn't know how to talk to him."

"That's a good start. What did he say after that?"

"He told me that it wasn't easy for him either but that we could work it out together."

"And then you told him that you didn't want to live with him?" Christina starts laughing at this. "Girl, I don't know how you get yourself into these situations."

"Oh my god, this is bad, really bad. What am I going to do?" I plead as I sit down on her couch and put my head in my hands.

"Well, there is no easy way out of this. You are going to have to talk to him about this." As she sits down next to me, she asks, "Tris, do you want to live with Four?"

"Yes."

"Then what did you mean to say instead of running him out of the room with fears of you moving out?"

"I wanted to tell him that even though living with him made me nervous at times because it made me vulnerable, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love waking up next to him and falling asleep in his arms and I want that level of intimacy in our conversations as well. I may not be ready for physical intimacy but I want to learn how to really talk to him." I exhale sharply when I finish this explanation, not even realizing that I had been holding my breath.

Christina starts laughing so hard she nearly falls off the couch. "You got 'I don't think we should live together' when you opened your mouth instead of that? You really are bad at this."

"Well, thanks for that. Can you stop laughing long enough to help me fix this?"

"Tris, you already know how to fix this. Tell Four what you just told me. Tell him how you really feel. You can do this."

I feel a bit better after talking with Christina and I have rehearsed the conversation I want to have with Tobias when he gets home. I'm feeling good. I can do this.

As the hours go by, I feel less and less confident. Why isn't he coming home? Did he decide it wasn't worth it and has already gotten another apartment? Is he going to leave me now after my moronic display earlier? My worry propels my feet and I leave the apartment in search of him. If he is hurting or upset it is because of me and I need to find him.

I run into Zeke as I leave the apartment. "Hey Tris, what did you do to Four earlier?"

I freeze in my tracks. "What do you mean?"

"It looked like you two had gotten in a fight. He moped around all day."

"Do you know where he is?" I ask tentatively, trying not to give anything away.

"Nope. Hopefully you find him and can fix things. I don't want him acting like that for the party tomorrow night."

As I start thinking of all the places he could be, I walk straight to the chasm. I see the top of his head sitting on the rock as I turn the corner and soon I am standing next to him. He is staring out across the water and doesn't register that he has heard me join him.

"Can I sit here?" I ask tentatively.

"Sure." He has hurt written all over his face as he turns and gives me a small smile.

I sit next to him and grab his hand. We sit like that for a while. When I can stand the silence no more and it is clear he isn't going to say anything, I say "Tobias, I am so sorry about what I said earlier, I just…" Before I can finish, he stands up and cuts me off.

"Don't worry about it. It's fine. Do you want to go back? I can help you pack your things if you want."

"Tobias, that's not what I want." I look him in the eyes and try to relay how I really feel.

"Okay, I don't have to help you." He starts to move out of the chasm, away from me. I grab his arm to stop him.

"Look at me." It takes a moment for him to look at me, but when he does, I see hurt and rejection written all over his face. I realize that these are the fears that keep me from talking to him. I don't want to feel the exact way I have made him feel. My heart clenches at this thought. "I don't want to move out. I want to live with you." I look at him, imploring him to believe and understand what I am saying.

His brows crease together. "But earlier, you said you thought living together was a mistake. That's how you feel, isn't it?"

"No and yes." I chew on my bottom lip because I know I am not helping him make sense of all of this.

He starts to look angry. "Tris, I don't understand."

"I know, and I am so sorry that I have made a mess out of this." I sigh and realize that I alone have to make this right. Nothing Tobias says right now is going to erase the hurt I have caused him. I have to suck it up and tell him how I really feel. I walk closer to him to bridge the huge gap that seems to have formed between us and rest my forehead against his. "What I meant to say earlier was that sometimes living with you makes me nervous and unsure of myself. It makes me vulnerable in a way that scares me. But even through that, even if it would be easier at times for us to live apart, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love waking up next to you and falling asleep in your arms. It is the most intimate thing I have ever felt and I want more. I am not ready for physical intimacy beyond that with you, but I want to be able to experience intimacy in our conversations as well. I want to learn how to really talk to you and I was hoping that you would feel the same, well, I am hoping that do, still, feel the same." As I finish talking, I feel the rapid pace of my heart and hope he doesn't notice it. I freeze when I feel him move his forehead away from mine.

"Tris, that was beautiful. It was much better than what you said earlier." He chuckles quietly and kisses me. I feel his body relax as he wraps his arms around me. "Are you sure you don't want to move out? I don't want to make you do something you don't want to do."

As I stand there in his arms, I realize that there are few things in life I am absolutely sure of, but he is definitely one of them. "I am sure. I want you every evening and every morning. I want to make you happy the same way you make me happy. Even though it will be awkward at times, I want to share the intimate details of my life with you."

As I stand back, I can't help but mirror the look of pure joy that crosses Tobias's features. As he says, "that sounds good to me," I know that this won't be easy, but we are in it together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to my reviewers and to those who are following this story. I'm having fun with it but I'm sure more reviews would even make me more excited about posting new chapters (hint, hint). No really, I appreciate it all. I don't have many plans about this story so far - I'm just writing and seeing where it goes. So, thanks for taking this adventure with us! This chapter is a bit on the shorter side, and not very meaty. There is always more to come!**

"Stop laughing at me." I can't even keep myself from laughing as I retell the events of my day to Tobias as we lay in bed before we finally drift off.

He nuzzles his nose closer into my hair and kisses my cheek. The air coming out of his mouth as he chuckles beside me sends tendrils of my hair across my face. This moment is so comforting and cathartic. No one else would see this as special or anything out of the ordinary, and really, it isn't. However, it is our way of starting to communicate and open ourselves up a bit more than we had before.

"I'm not laughing at you, really. It's just so funny hearing what Christina's reaction was when you told her what you had told me at lunch."

"Yeah well, I guess it was pretty funny. In an absurd, what were you thinking, kind of way. I think she was so surprised how bad I really was at all of this."

"Hey, it's not that you're so bad at it, it's just you haven't had any practice at it. I'm in the same boat as you are."

"Yeah, but you don't seem to have the power to run me out of the room with fears of you leaving me after a simple conversation."

"Very true. That gift seems to be all your own." Tobias chuckles softly against me as he pulls me closer under his arm. "I am glad you came and found me and talked to me about it though. I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to come back to the apartment because I was afraid that you had already moved your stuff out and I didn't want to see that."

My heart breaks a bit hearing this from him. I knew I made him think that I wanted to move out but I didn't know that I had hurt him that deeply. Hearing him tell me that tore at everything that's inside of me but I realize that I would rather hear those things then have my own mind play tricks on me and concoct scenarios and stories that aren't even there or true. Hearing him open up to me, gives me confidence that we can do this, no matter how hard it is. I take his hand in mine, entwine our fingers and kiss the back of his hand. "I'm sorry I did that to you. That was never my intention."

"I know. It's over now. I didn't tell you so you would feel bad about it. I want to be as open with you as you are trying to be with me. I don't want to hold anything back."

I can't help the yawn that escapes as he finishes his statement. It's really not that late but today feels like it has been the longest day. I hope tomorrow is better and I don't screw anything up too badly.

"Let's get some sleep. You sound tired. I'm sure I will be able to sleep well knowing that you'll be in my arms. Sleep." And with those final words, we both drift off to sleep.

Tobias didn't sleep so well after all. I was awakened when I felt him thrashing around in the bed as he was yelling, "no, no, no." I sat up and tried to wake him up. I shook him and finally he opened his eyes to look at me.

"You were having a nightmare. It's okay. You're home and I'm here." I crooned softly so he would realize where he was and that he didn't have anything to worry about.

His eyes never leave mine and he grabs my face in his hands and just holds it. It's as if he doesn't really believe that I am there and he is trying to make sure for himself. His eyes are blazing with fear and I want to know what has made him feel this way. What did he see that has made him this scared?

He must see the emotions on my face because as he caresses my cheek and pulls me closer against him, he says, "go back to sleep. It was nothing, just a dream. Thanks for waking me up." He kisses my forehead and I drift back to sleep.

I wake up the second time to hear the shower running from the bathroom. Tobias is awake and getting ready for the day. He emerges shortly after, dried off and wrapped in his towel. He sits on the bed and gives me a sheepish grin.

"Sorry I woke you up last night."

"It's okay, it happens. I'm glad I was here, though." I can't help the smile that spreads across my face. If things would have gone differently yesterday, I could be waking up alone right now.

He smiles in response but something seems to be bothering him. As he gets up off the bed and starts to get ready, I decide to ask. "Do you want to talk about your dream?"

"No, it's fine and I need to get going anyway. Are you coming to breakfast now or later?"

"Let me quickly get ready and I will go with you." I start rummaging around for clothes and head to the bathroom to take a quick shower and get ready.

Christina and Will are already eating breakfast when we sit down to join them. Christina has a huge grin on her face when she sees us walk in together. I sit down as Tobias goes and gets us a couple of muffins. "So, did everything work out yesterday? It sure looks like it?" Leave it to Christina to just come out and ask.

"Yeah. I told him exactly what I told you. I went and found him when he didn't come back to the apartment and things are good now." I feel like a love struck idiot with a smile plastered across my face but I can't help it. I am so much happier now that things are moving in the right direction.

We listen to Christina ramble on about the jobs we get to choose this week and about how much fun she thinks the party will be tonight. "You know we have to go shopping Tris. This is our first, big Dauntless party and we need to look our best."

Instead of being focused on what she has just said, I find myself noticing that something seems to be wrong with Tobias. He is just picking at his muffin and hasn't eaten much of it. He doesn't seem really engaged either. I hope everything is okay. "Tris. Did you hear what I just said?"

"What?" I ask Christina, clearly preoccupied.

"We are going shopping for the party tonight."

"Christina, I don't need any more clothes. I have something I can wear." I groan outwardly as I think about shopping with Christina which will, most likely, last all day.

"No, absolutely not. Your wardrobe is weak and minimal at best. You aren't getting out of this."

Will gets up, kisses Christina for too long and as he heads out the door Tobias gets up to make his exit. He is quiet and reserved as he kisses me on the forehead. Whispering so only he can hear me, I ask, "is everything okay?"

He smiles but it is forced. "Yeah, I just have a lot to do today so I don't have to work tomorrow." He straightens up and addresses both of us when he continues talking. "We try not to have to work the day after a big party. It makes staying out all night more fun and worth it if you don't have to worry about getting up early." As he looks back at only me he asks, "do you want to meet up for dinner?"

We make plans to meet up and as he leaves me with Christina, I know something is wrong and that he isn't telling me something. I guess it is going to take more than one night to make things perfect and easy between us. As Christina jumps up and grabs my hand to go shopping, I resolve to try to make the most out of today and to talk to Tobias tonight about what is bothering him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you, Thank you for all of the reviews and for following this little story. As long as you continue to like it, I guess I will continue to write it. I hope you like the latest chapter. What's up next? I'm glad you asked. :) Perhaps we will get a bit of dealing with Tris's fears of physical intimacy. You never know. I guess you will have to read to find out.**

**Thanks again!**

I try to enjoy shopping. Really, I do. Christina is just so hard core about it. I mean, does finding an outfit for a party really require hours of trying different things on only to find something wrong with each of them? This is not fun to me. I want to get in, find something to wear and get out. I will give Christina some credit though. She knows how to be a distraction from other thoughts. I spent my day mostly annoyed with her and not with the thought that Tobias was keeping something from me. Besides, I did find a decent outfit to wear to the party. After trying tons of outfits on, I decided on getting a pair of black leather pants and a black halter top. Christina pointed out that the leather in the pants and the material in the shirt didn't go together, but I liked the way they looked. In fact, I actually think I look nice in the outfit. So, I guess the entire day wasn't a complete waste. Well, at least it wasn't for me.

"I can't find anything I like in this entire stack of clothes," Christina complained after trying on clothes for two hours straight. "Nothing looks right on me. All I want is an outfit that will impress Will. Is that too much to ask for?"

"Perhaps that's your problem. Maybe you should just pick something out that you like instead of worrying if Will is going to like it or not. I mean, is he really going to care what you are wearing? He seems to like you in spite of some of your outfits." I mean this last statement as a bit of a jab because I am sick of playing dress up.

"There is nothing wrong with my other outfits, thank you. You might be right in that he simply won't care. But, I will care and my attitude will help with my mood and with how much fun we have tonight."

"You really give clothes too much thought." I can't believe she spends her time thinking about this stuff.

"Actually, I should be thinking about which outfit Will is going to want to get off of me." She laughed as she said this and winked at me.

"Christina, I really don't want to hear about what you and Will do with your clothes on or off."

"Oh come on, aren't you even slightly curious? Have you and Four done anything in the direction of getting over your fear of intimacy? I mean, physical intimacy."

I sigh as I gather up a huge stack of clothes that will need to be hung back up since Christina doesn't like the way any of them look on her. "No, I am not curious about what you two do and I am not telling you anything about what Four and I do or don't do."

"So, that's a no then? Tris, you are going to have to face this sometime soon. You might be able to get some pointers before you have to do anything yourself."

I roll my eyes at her as I inwardly cringe. "Look, what we do is our business and when we do it is also our business. We are focusing on building our intimacy through conversation first. The physical stuff will come later."

"Okay, if you say so. Hey, what do you think about this skirt with that first shirt I tried on…?" The day pretty much continued like that. I told her what I thought of certain outfits or aspects of outfits and she eventually stopped harassing me about my fear of intimacy and what I had or had not done with Tobias.

We ate lunch together and talked about the upcoming party. Christina was really excited about it. I could take it or leave it. It was kind of an initiation into Dauntless society, now that we are officially members, so almost everyone would be there. I've never really been to a big party so it should be nice to do something so different. I remember seeing Tobias while we were training after he had had too much to drink. He told me how good I looked and I was pretty surprised at how forward he was with that comment. Perhaps the party will make him forward tonight as well and I will figure out what is going on.

Christina insisted on doing my hair and makeup for the party. Seriously, she must think I'm inept and can't even take care of the basics when it comes to my look. I sit on her bed as she puts her hair together. She wanted to go for a really sleek look so she straightened her hair and even added gel to make it straighter. It wasn't my favorite look on her, but obviously she knows what she wants. As she started in on her makeup, I couldn't help my mind from wandering.

In a few hours I would be seeing Tobias for dinner then we would be going to the party together. It's clear that something is wrong, or was wrong this morning. I have to figure out what it is. He seemed to act strange after his nightmare last night. That's normal though, right? Maybe he is just upset about that. It could be something worse though. Maybe he has changed his mind about us. I mean, he seemed pretty happy about my not moving out yesterday. Things can change though. As I was getting lost in my spiraling thoughts, Christina brought me back to the here and now.

"Tris, did you hear what I just said? It looks like you are daydreaming. Did you hear anything I have said?"

I really had no idea what she was talking about but I decided it would be best not to upset her. "I heard you. I just got preoccupied thinking about how I want you to do my hair and makeup." That must have worked because a huge grin spreads across her face.

"Well, come on. If we are going to meet Will and Tobias for dinner I need to get started. Let's put soft waves in your hair and do your makeup like…" As she trails off describing how she will make me look, I sit and will the hours to hurry by so I can see Tobias again.

Will is already at dinner when we get there. Christina insisted that we not wear our party outfits since we don't want everyone to see what we are going to wear later. I really couldn't care less. My heart sank slightly when I see that Tobias is nowhere to be seen. When we sit down next to Will, he has a message for me.

"Hey Tris, I ran into Four earlier and he told me to tell you that he wouldn't make it to dinner. He has some more work to do in the Control Room and needs just a bit more time to get it all done so he's free tomorrow. He said he would meet you in your apartment before the party starts."

"Thanks Will." As Christina starts giving Will every detail of our day, I trail off to Tobias. Is he really not here because he has work or because he is upset? Did I do something wrong? I decide that I just have to see him. "I'm going to grab some food and take it to Four. I'm sure he hasn't eaten anything yet. I'll see you guys in a bit."

I make a plate of food for him and head to the Control Room. Even if he has eaten, this will give me an excuse to see him and see what is going on. As I approach the door, I knock tentatively. I have never seen Tobias at work, other than when he trained us, and I don't really know what to expect. As the door opens, I suddenly become nervous. Maybe this was a bad idea. Tobias stands behind the door with a scowl on his face as he looks preoccupied towards one of the computers. When he turns to look at who knocked, he sees me and his look changes to one of surprise.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you until later. Did Will give you my message?" He seemed a bit annoyed at the possibility that Will might have forgotten that important task.

"Yeah, he gave me the message. I hope I'm not bothering you but I thought you probably hadn't eaten so I brought you some dinner." I thrust the plate out in front of me, suddenly feeling very awkward and like I shouldn't have just shown up like this.

Tobias gets a shy grin on his face as he looks at me holding the food. "I actually haven't eaten anything all day. Thanks for doing this. I really appreciate it." As he takes the food from my hands he plants a soft kiss on my lips. He ushers me into the room. It is a small room filled with screens and computers. It looks as if each one is doing something different. It looks very complicated to me. He sits down and starts eating his food. "This is really good. Thanks."

"Well, I wanted to see you. I've missed you today." I don't know why I feel embarrassed saying this, but I do. I can feel my cheeks heat with my blush and I notice Tobias stop eating to look at me. He gives me a small smile and says, "I've missed you, too. I've been really busy though so I haven't had a lot of time to think about it."

Even as he tries to make small talk with me, I can see that he is distracted and busy. "I am going to leave so you can finish your work. I will see you at home in a little while, right?"

"Yeah. Sorry I have to work so much. I will see you soon. Thanks again for the food."

As I leave him alone again, I think about what he said while I was there with him. He missed me today. That's good, but I can still tell that something is wrong. He had a weird look on his face when I told him that I had missed him. It's a look I can't make any sense of.

When I find Will and Christina, they are finishing up and Christina is ready to get dressed in our party clothes. I quickly finish some food of my own and humor her in a dress up session before I head to our apartment to wait for Tobias. We will meet Will and Christina at the party later.

The waiting and the thinking I am doing nearly become unbearable when the door opens and Tobias finally walks in. I stand up to meet him at the door. He looks at my outfit as he says, "Tris, you look nice. Did you pick that out today or did Christina make you her doll and dress you herself?" He smiles a bit.

"Christina doesn't really like this outfit. I picked it out and she tried to get me to find something different." I roll my eyes to show just how annoyed with her I was over this.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't let her talk you into something else. You look good." With that, he kisses my forehead as he walks past me into the apartment.

I simply can't take it any longer. I know something is still bothering him. "Is everything okay? Earlier today you seemed bothered about something and you seem a bit preoccupied right now."

Answering too quickly and none too convincingly, he says "it's fine. I have been focused on work today." He launches in to tell me about a problem he had with one of the servers but I can tell he is stalling. He is walking around the apartment as if he were looking for something, but what that might be, I have no idea. He isn't looking at me and he isn't giving me a chance to respond to anything he is saying. It's almost as if he's nervous.

As he starts to make another pass by where I am sitting, I stand up and grab his arm. He stops, mid-sentence, and looks at me. I walk closer to him so we are face to face. I put my arms around his neck and hug him to me. After a minute of this, I feel his shoulders relax into me. He sighs and I move my nose to rub along his jaw, right by his ear. "Tobias, I can tell you aren't telling me something." He says nothing in response. I kiss him slowly and when I pull back I can see the strain in his eyes. I move my nose back to his jaw line and move closer to his ear. "Talk to me," I nearly beg.

He exhales and when he finally speaks, it's timid. "I don't want to worry you. That's why I haven't said anything."

"Do you think this has stopped me from worrying today? I knew you were upset about something and not telling me so my mind just ran with it. I've been thinking some pretty horrible things. I've been worried about you."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you." He smiles against my neck and plants a soft kiss beneath my ear. He still doesn't tell me what's wrong though.

"You know, you can tell me anything. That's what we're working on right, our communication?" He exhales again.

"Yeah, you're right." He pulls out of my embrace enough to look at me while he talks but our arms are still around one another. "It's related to the nightmare I had. In the dream you had left me. I was alone and couldn't find you anywhere. None of your stuff was in the apartment and you had left a note." He stills and I can feel his shoulders tense up. "The note was short – one word. All it said was, goodbye." The look in his eyes is one of desperation and desolation. It makes my heart wrench knowing that my screw up from yesterday has caused this pain inside of him. I also know that he doesn't have anything to worry about though. I would never leave him. "There was no explanation or anything and no matter where I looked, I couldn't find you. You left and that was it."

I hug him tighter and wait for the tension in his shoulders to ease. When the tension is gone, I whisper in his ear, "I'm sorry that you saw that in your nightmare. I know I caused it since you thought I wanted to leave yesterday and I am so sorry about that. But Tobias, I am not going anywhere. I will be here in the mornings when you wake up and in the evenings when you go to sleep. I will be here to pull you out of your nightmares and to bring you dinner when you don't have time to eat." At this last statement I am rewarded with a chuckle from him and I can feel the smile on his face as he buries his head further into my neck. "I promise, I'm not going anywhere. There is nowhere I would rather be than right here."

He slightly pulls away from our embrace enough to look at my eyes. He smiles even wider and places his forehead against mine. "Thank you. I don't know what it was about that dream that got to me so much. They usually don't have that effect on me. I just don't want to lose you."

"Then you won't." I say this with finality so he knows just how true it is.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I was afraid of how you would react."

"Don't be afraid to tell me anything. This is all part of figuring things out, right? We have to start somewhere." I smile reassuringly at him.

I sit on the bed as Tobias gets ready to go to the party thinking of how far we seem to have come in such a short amount of time. We still have things to work through but at least we are communicating better than we have before. It feels good to know we are moving in the right direction. As I stand up from the bed when I see Tobias is ready to go, he grabs me by the waist and pulls me to him. My hands snake around his neck and he just holds me there for a minute.

He nuzzles my ear with his mouth as he says with a smile, "Tris, you look good. Really good." We both chuckle as we are reminded about the time during my training when he said those very words to me. We head out the door, hand in hand, to join our friends at the party.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks again for the reviews - Keep them coming. Okay, this chapter is a bit fluffy at times (hey, that's okay - right?) but it doesn't end that way. I hope you like it. :)**

The party was great. There were so many people there. I thought there would no way to meet anyone but I was wrong about that. The party really was designed so you could have fun with your friends, drinking and snacking, but it also provided plenty of opportunities to mingle and talk.

I met tons of Tobias's friends. It seems like he knows everyone. I walked around with him, hand in hand, as he introduced me to everyone. "Have you met my girlfriend, Tris?" Just hearing those words roll out of his mouth repeatedly throughout the night, made my heart flutter. Since I had scored so well in my training class, it seemed as if most people at least knew who I was by sight. Some wanted to talk to me about the training and asked me some questions about what I was going to do now that training was over. Since I don't really know, I just made small talk and some suggested jobs I might enjoy. We have to pick them soon.

As the night went on, more and more alcohol came out. No one can accuse the Dauntless of not being able to hold their alcohol. I had never imagined that people could drink so much. Christina decided to start "training her body" by getting really drunk. Will had to take her home before the party was even close to finishing. I didn't drink too much. I was having too much fun to ruin it by acting crazy. Besides, Tobias was drinking enough for the both of us. He and his friends played some drinking games and I was the referee a few different times. That was fun. They were all having fun and just seemed to enjoy this time together. Tobias kept me pretty close. I didn't want to get in the way of him and his friends but he always insisted that I be close by and while I wasn't drinking as much as they were, I was still participating in their activities so I didn't feel like I was just sitting there watching the action.

As I lay in bed thinking back on the previous night, I realize that my favorite part of the whole thing was as Tobias and I were walking back to our place. He had been drinking quite a bit and wasn't walking as well as he normally does, but it wasn't awful. "This has been my favorite party, by far." He said as we rounded the last corner.

"Why?"

"Because, I get to go home with you." I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face after hearing his endearing line and seeing the sheepish look on his face. "The last time I was at a party, you couldn't be there because of training. I didn't really have fun."

I opened our door and Tobias flopped down on the bed. "I'll just be a minute" I said as I moved into the bathroom to get ready for bed. When I came out, Tobias hadn't moved from the position he fell in. His shoes were still on, he was in all of his clothes and he was quietly snoring. I managed to get his shoes off but knew that was the best I was going to do. I grabbed another blanket from the closet and laid that on top of him so we wouldn't get cold. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and I joined him in a night of sleep.

I woke up as my stomach growled loudly. I opened my eyes and could still see Tobias asleep in his clothes. I looked at the clock and it said 9 am. I decided to get up and go get some breakfast for both of us and bring it back. I'm not sure how long Tobias will sleep.

I quietly get ready so I don't wake him up. I grab some muffins, and while he doesn't usually drink it, I also grabbed some coffee. There weren't very many people at breakfast. Everyone must still be sleeping.

When I get back to the apartment, I can see that Tobias has stirred. He looks up at me and smiles when he sees that I have food.

"I'm sorry I woke up you. I tried to be really quite. I got us some food. I didn't know how long you were going to sleep."

"You didn't wake me up. I didn't feel you in bed. I figured you would have been hungry. I do plan on going back to sleep, though." He rubs his eyes as he explains this to me.

I hand him a muffin and his coffee and he eats. "Thanks for bringing me food again. If I knew food delivery came with having a girlfriend, I might have gotten one sooner than this." He laughs as he moves his hand away from the slap I just sent his way. "Tris, why do I have all of my clothes on?"

"When we got in last night you fell right asleep. I was lucky I got your shoes off of you. I couldn't lift you to get the rest."

"So, you wanted to take my clothes off last night? That's what I'm hearing, right?" A devilish grin spreads across his face.

I blush red, hit him full on the arm this time and say "oh, shut up." He is definitely in a playful mood.

After we get done eating, he takes his party clothes off, puts on lounging clothes and gets back in bed. I crawl in next to him. "I didn't think you were tired," he said.

"I'm not but I'll spend the morning with you in bed, if you want."

"That's exactly what I want." He smiles and kisses me on the forehead, then on my nose and finally on my mouth. "Do you want to do something later? My friends and I always get together the day after the party and just sit around and talk some. It's no big deal but we have done it since we went through training together. I would love it if you were there."

"That sounds great."

"Okay, we can't sleep past two. Maybe we should set an alarm."

"No, I'll make sure you're up. Go back to sleep." I kiss him as he drifts off for a second time.

As Tobias sleeps, I just lay there in his arms. I could be doing things around the apartment, but I like this feeling too much to move. Besides, I'm afraid if I get up, he will feel my absence and wake up. I don't know how he is going to make it to work tomorrow. I let my mind wander to all of the jobs I could have. I need to decide because we start our training this week. I don't feel too much pressure because in Dauntless, you can change jobs if you want. Tobias and his friends were talking last night and a few of them have moved around to try out a few different jobs since they have become members. You go through the training period of the job and then work three months. After that, you can transfer to something else. The leaders want everyone to do something that they like so they allow for time to figure it out. I like this idea but I don't even know where to start. I had been thinking of trying out tattooing. Then again, I could also help with the training. There are tons of options; I just have to pick one.

At two, I make sure Tobias is up. He is pretty slow to get dressed. It must be the effects of all the drinking from last night. Though I will admit, he isn't as bad off as I thought he would be. We don't leave the apartment until a little after three.

As we walk out the door, I realize I have no idea where we are going. "Where are we going and what are we doing?"

"First, we are going to get some food. I'm starving. We also have to have some packed for us. We won't be coming back in time for dinner."

We grab some food, eat leisurely and Tobias gets a bag of food to take with us. There are more people eating now but some of them look like they have seen better days. Perhaps some people do have trouble holding their alcohol.

As we climb the stairs to head to the train, Tobias grabs my hand, entwines our fingers, and kisses the back of my hand. He seems to be in a really good mood today. That's rather impressive seeing as he was drunk and stayed out really late. "You seem to be in a good mood today. I thought you would be cranky when you woke up after the party."

He chuckles then says, "I am in a good mood. That was the best party, I got to have you by my side and we are about to have even more fun. And did I mention that I get to do all of this with you? I don't think I mentioned that before." He laughs and pulls me into an embrace.

"Actually, I think you mentioned it once or twice. Feel free to keep saying it though, if it makes you feel better."

When we get to where we are going, I look around a bit confused. We are near the Ferris Wheel but there doesn't seem to be much else around. "What are we doing here?"

"Well, just around this corner over here, we will probably find some of the group already."

Sure enough, as we walk past a group of trees, we are greeted by six other people. I met them all last night but I don't remember all of their names. There is a large circle in the middle of the clearing with rocks laid in the ground to make a sort of pit. Tobias puts our food down and grabs my hand and leads me away towards the trees. "What are we doing?"

"You know, for such a little thing, you ask a lot of questions." He chuckles at his joke. "We are gathering sticks for the fire. We have a big bonfire and just hang out. Really, it's nothing special but we do it after the big parties. I guess it's kind of our own party."

We all spend the next hour or so collecting wood for the fire. We have a pretty substantial pile and everyone else has arrived. Tobias and a few of the guys start working on the fire and the rest of us get our food out and get ready to eat. We all sit around each other in a sort of circle. There are some couples here but some people are just on their own.

After the fire is roaring, everyone sits down to eat. Tobias sits behind me so I am between his legs. As we are all eating, the stories begin. I am transported back to a time with Tobias was younger, timid and in training. They take turns telling stories about different things that happened during training and after training. Everyone laughs and listens to the stories. Periodically, Tobias leans in, nuzzles my neck and kisses my shoulder. It feels wonderful. I love seeing him so natural with his friends like this. It also makes me feel special because I am here with him.

It's after one of these kisses that a guy across from us says, "I remember when Four started pining for Tris." Everyone started laughing and I could feel my cheeks start to burn. "I caught him staring at her during lunch one day so I asked him why he was staring at her. He shrugged his shoulders, obviously taken back because I had caught him, and just said 'there's just something about her.' I caught him staring at her a few more times too." Everyone starts laughing.

"Oh shut up. It wasn't that bad." Tobias chuckles and I can tell he is a bit embarrassed by this.

At the same time, everyone there said, "yes, it was that bad." We all started laughing and Tobias buried his head in my neck as he laughed along, as well.

We stayed out there like this for hours. It was great. I know they all like it because they don't have to worry about responsibilities or being anywhere and they can just relax together. As we head back to the train, I take Tobias's hand in mine and say, "This was great. I'm so glad I came with you today."

"I'm glad you came too. It's a nice break from work and life."

As we enter our apartment, I am feeling really happy and content. I liked hearing stories about Tobias when he was younger and about how he would get caught staring at me while I was in training. The idea that he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him is nice. He comes up from behind me and wraps his arms around my waste. He buries his head in my hair. "Are you tired?" he asked.

"No, not really." As I turn around to face him, he has an odd look on his face. Before I can say anything about it, he starts kissing me. I love the feel of being in Tobias's arms and kissing him is one of my favorite things. We continue to make out for what seems like forever. It feels good. I feel wanted and safe in his arms. We make our way to the bed and continue our kissing. I'm not thinking of anything else until he starts to kiss my neck. This sends a shiver down my spine. It's not a shiver of fear though. I like this too much to be afraid. I'm thinking about how good this feels and then I feel his hand start trailing up the inside of my shirt.

I freeze. I don't just stop kissing him, my whole body goes rigid and my eyes pop open. He leaves his hand where it is and pulls back to look at me.

"I thought you might react this way," he says as a sheepish smile crosses his face. "What are you feeling?"

I am too stunned to say anything. He knew I would probably react this way and he did it anyway? I feel like I have been ambushed a bit. I simply stare at him wide eyed. I realize that my hands are both on his chest as if I was preparing to push him away.

"Tris, what were you feeling before I moved my hand?" He has a look of concern on his face as he asks this but there is also a look of curiosity as well.

I realize that I just can't take this anymore. As I push him away, I say, "I can't. I have to go." I stand up and head towards the door.

Tobias jumps off the bed and walks toward me. "Tris, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I just need some air and time to think." As I open the door to leave I realize how this looks. It looks like I am walking out on him and leaving him alone. His nightmare floods my mind and his reaction that next day makes me stop in my tracks. I slowly turn around to face him. "I'm not leaving. I will be back, okay? I just need some space. I promise I will be back in a little while."

"You aren't leaving me? I could go with you." He sounds desperate.

"No, I'll be back." I try to smile at him to give him some reassurance. Before I realize it, I am out the door, walking away from Tobias and our apartment.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks to all of you who are continuing to read this little story. I'm not sure how far I will take it, but while I still have ideas, I will keep writing. Review and let me know what you think. Let me know if you have any plot ideas as well. You never know, you might see one of them show up.**

**This chapter is a bit short. Enjoy.**

At first, I don't know where I should go. It's pretty late and while everyone isn't in their own homes, there aren't many people out and about. I just start walking. Before I know it, I end up in the training room. I decide to try and work out some of my feelings so I start working on a punching bag. I let my mind drift to try and make some sense of what happened. I was fine while Tobias was kissing me. I liked it when he was kissing me. I continued to like it when he started kissing down my neck. That all stopped when he started moving his hands up the inside of my shirt. Why did I react that way? I didn't think he would hurt me; I trust Tobias way too much to think that. What was he expecting by doing that? How far did he want to take it? Perhaps that's the issue. I didn't know what he was thinking and I was scared that he would want to go somewhere with it that I didn't.

As I continue to punch and kick the bag, I think back to what he said when I froze. He said that he thought I would react that way. Why did he do that in the first place then? If he was so sure that would be my reaction, what was he trying to get out of the situation by doing it anyway? Did he want me to freak out? I just don't understand.

With a final punch to the bag, I feel my knuckles split open a bit. It hurts but it sends a jolt of feeling through me. As I glance at the clock on my way out, I realize that I have been here for an hour. There is one more place I want to go before I can even think of going back to the apartment. My feet lead the way and I don't even have to think about which way I need to go. Before I know it, I am standing at the top of the building staring down into the large hole I jumped through to enter the Dauntless compound so many weeks ago. As I take a running leap off the building, I let my mind go completely blank and just feel the air rushing at my face and finally the bounce of the net at the bottom catches my fall. I lie there looking up the hole into the sky.

I wonder how different my life would be if I would have never chosen to make that jump in the first place. I would never have met Tobias and all of my friends here. Would I be afraid of being intimate with someone else? I sigh as I think, probably. This issue really has nothing to do with Tobias; it's all in my head. I know it affects him but I'm the only one that can fix this up and put me back together.

Feeling a bit defeated, I get off the net and head back to our apartment slowly. I don't understand why he would do what he did if he knew I would react the way I did and I don't know why I reacted the way I did. I get to our door and I just stand there looking at it. Will he still be awake? Probably – I wouldn't be able to sleep if it were me. He will want to talk about this and I just don't know how much talking I can do tonight.

Tentatively, I open the door and walk in. He is sitting on the bed, facing the door. He looks relieved to see me but he also looks, what is that…afraid. I walk closer to him and he notices my bloody knuckles. "What happened to your hands?"

"Oh. I, um, went to the training room and this happened without me noticing it." I lifted my hands to get a better look. They are red and swollen but there isn't much blood there.

He grabs my hands gently in his and looks at them closely. In a whisper he says, "I can clean these up for you. If you want."

"I can do it. I need to shower anyway." I start to walk towards the bathroom but Tobias doesn't let go of my hands so I don't get very far. I don't know what to say and he isn't saying anything, either. "Why don't you get some sleep? I'll be out soon."

"Tris, I can't sleep right now. I want to talk about this. I'm so sorry…"

I cut him off before he can finish. "Tobias, I don't know how much talking I am going to be able to do tonight. Let me go take a shower." He lets my hands fall and he looks broken. I walk into the bathroom hoping that a hot shower will relax my muscles and calm my insides.

I let the hot water cascade down my body and try not to think about anything. Too shortly, the water runs cold and I have to get out. I towel dry my hair and braid it down my back. When I have nothing left to do, I open the door and enter our bedroom. Tobias is in bed, staring at the ceiling. I don't know what to say to him, so I stay quiet and get into bed on my side. "Tris, I'm sorry."

I sigh as I say, "Tobias, can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"I think we should talk some now. I don't think we will be able to sleep if we don't."

I feel myself getting a bit irritated at him. It comes through in my voice. "Why did you do that, Tobias?"

"I, I don't know. I'm sorry Tris." As he spoke, the fear and pain is evident in his voice.

"What do you mean you don't know? You told me that you expected me to react the way I did, that you knew I would completely shut down, and you did it anyway. What were you trying to prove? What was the point?" I try not to yell at him but I can feel the anger rising.

"I just…it was stupid of me…I shouldn't have done that."

"Are those the only answers I am going to get tonight? So, you aren't going to tell me anything that will help me understand this?" When he is silent, I continue. "I'm going to bed then. Maybe you can be more forthcoming with information tomorrow when we talk about this." I roll over, away from him. He doesn't say another word. He switches off the bedside lamp and my mind does everything but sleep.

I'm not sure if Tobias gets any sleep himself. He didn't have a nightmare, at least. I was worried that would happen but maybe because I came back last night, he didn't have the same fear of me leaving him. At some point I must have dozed off because when I wake up, surprised that I had fallen asleep, I am in an empty apartment. Tobias left early, without saying goodbye.


	8. Chapter 8

**This is a pretty long chapter for your reading enjoyment (well, hopefully). Thanks to those who continue to follow this little story of mine. I hope you continue to like it. Send a review my way if you get a chance. I like to know what you are thinking about things as you read :)**

I don't rush out of the apartment after I am ready to go; I take my time. I have no idea what I am going to do today. I'm pretty tired after the events of last night and staying in bed all day sounds nice. I know that will raise some red flags, though and I don't want people asking about me. As I go to get some breakfast, I see Christina waving frantically at me. "Hey. I thought I would see you with Will."

"He's spending the day with Four in the control room." She looks so excited about something she is practically jumping out of her seat.

"Why is he doing that?" I'm a bit puzzled about why Will would want to be there and why Tobias would want Will there while he worked.

"Well, since we have to pick our jobs soon, we can watch how things work so we know more of what we are getting ourselves into when we finally make our decision. Say you'll come with me today to check a few options out." I can tell she is really looking forward to doing this.

"Christina, I don't even have many ideas of what I want to do yet. Maybe I should think about a few more options before I head out to explore specific things."

"What are you going to do today instead of go with me?"

I honestly have no response for her question. "I don't know."

"See, you have to come with me. You never know, you could stumble upon something that you like and you didn't even know it. Oh, I almost forgot, we are meeting the boys for lunch. Come on."

I freeze in my seat and look at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, since Four is going to be working with Will today, I thought we could take them lunch in the Control Room and we could all eat together. Four said it would be fine when I saw him earlier. Don't worry about it. It will be fun."

Tobias wants us all to have lunch together? I don't really know what to think. I assumed I wouldn't see him all day because in the past, when something has gone wrong, that is what happens. I don't even know what to say to him. Maybe it's better that Will and Christina will be there so we won't have to talk about anything just yet.

"Tris, what's wrong? You look awful and you are just staring off into nowhere."

"Nothing. I didn't know we were all going to meet up for lunch and I'm just trying to think of some jobs I would like to get more information about." I try to dodge her question as best I can. I do not feel like hashing everything over with Christina. "Thanks for the comment about me looking awful. If I recall correctly, I didn't see you once yesterday. Had a rough day after the party, huh?" I try to lighten the mood and take the focus away from me. If I know Christina, she can talk about herself for a while.

"Ugh, you have no idea. I stayed in bed all day. Will was really sweet and he brought me food and took care of me…" She continued talking about the party itself, and how she felt after. She asked about what she missed yesterday and I told her a little about the bonfire. I wasn't willing to share more with her.

Throughout the morning, we checked out a few jobs Christina was interested in. She wanted to stop by the retail center first. I should have known this would be one of her options. She talked to the girl that was working for a long time. I nodded along periodically, but I wasn't very focused. If there was one thing I knew for certain, it was that I would find no enjoyment working retail. We also made a stop at the kitchen. This came as a complete shock but Christina said that she thought baking would be fun. It turns out that you can't just bake if you work there. You have to be trained on everything. So, she threw that option out right away.

"Can we go by the Tattoo center?" This is one of the only jobs I have considered before this point. There is just something about the art of tattooing that interests me. Tori was really nice and talked with me for a bit about what she does. They have tons of designs already drawn out to use or original pieces can be created as well. She showed me one that she drew up today for a customer who was coming in later. It was really intricate and looked amazing.

From there, we went to the infirmary. I guess being a nurse wouldn't be too bad. Christina seemed pretty interested in this job and she chatted with a nurse for a while. I walked around and looked at the medical tools while they talked. On one wall was a saw looking device. As I was staring at it, a young man came up next to me and told me it was used for amputations. I must have gone completely white because he held my arm and directed me to a chair. "Don't worry. We really don't see many of those around here." He left me sitting there, waiting for Christina and I made up my mind about being a nurse. I can take a lot but seeing that would not be one of them.

When Christina was done she came up to where I was sitting. "You look green. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just found out what that tool is used for." I pointed to the saw device without looking at it.

"How did you think it worked? That a leg or arm just fell off when it needed to be removed?" She snickered as she took in my uncomfortable appearance.

"Can we just leave?" I was a bit irritated that she had dragged me here in the first place.

"Yeah, it's almost lunch so we should go get our food ready to take with us."

We left the infirmary and went to gather lunch. Christina didn't stop talking once. She was debating about the jobs she had seen today and told me about the few she still wanted to look at later. I stayed quiet and listened.

Once we had our food and food for Will and Tobias, we headed up to the Control Room. I followed Christina in the room. Tobias looked a bit surprised to see me. Maybe he didn't think I would show up.

I gave him a small smile and handed him his food. "Thanks. Here are some chairs for you guys."

We sat in the chairs near the guys and we all started eating. After a bit of silence, Will asked "what did you guys do this morning?"

Christina jumped in with "we started going around looking at possible job choices."

"Really?" Tobias looked a bit surprised as he looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

I gave him a small smile and shrugged my shoulders. "I wasn't planning on it but Christina insisted I go with her today. So I've been trailing along."

"Oh come on. You got to spend some time in the tattoo center so don't make it seem like it's all about me." Christina sounded mock-annoyed with my statement.

"Yes, Christina, you're right. I did talk to Tori some. It was pretty interesting."

"Well, good." Tobias continued to eat his food and things fell quite again. Christina started rambling about all she had learned today and which jobs she was no longer interested in.

All I could think about was how awkward things felt right now. I am trying to act normal, and carry on some conversation but I am finding this more difficult than I had thought. Do I even want to be here right now? Does Tobias want me here? I am pulled out of my thoughts when I hear Christina laugh and say, "I thought Tris was going to pass out in the infirmary. She looked green when I found her and she was sitting down."

Suddenly I had three sets of eyes on me. Christina kept laughing, Will joined her but Tobias looked concerned. He put his hand on my arm and looked at me. "Are you okay?"

His contact with my arm surprised me and I stiffened just a touch. He didn't move his hand away so I don't think he noticed. "Yeah, I'm fine. It was nothing. I was looking at some of the instruments and one of the nurses told me what it was used for. I just hadn't thought about it before. Really, I'm fine."

I look up into his eyes to see his forehead creased with worry. He gently squeezes my arm then moves his hand away from me.

Will jumps in and informs us that "this is the job for me. I love it. I have always been pretty good with computers though."

Christina squealed and threw herself over to hug Will. Then she started kissing him. I just sat there, not trying to look at them. I try for some small talk with Tobias. "So, are you going to be working late or will you be at dinner?"

"I'll be at dinner. It shouldn't be a long day. So, what other jobs are you thinking about looking into?"

"I honestly haven't given it much thought. I thought training would be fun but I know I need a job to do when training is over. I'm not sure. Tagging along with Christina has given me some ideas of what I don't want to do, so that's good."

Christina and Will continue to go at it and I just sit there across from Tobias feeling awkward. This isn't happening right now, is it? Tobias clears his throat and Christina and Will finally break apart from one another. "We should probably get back to work, Will."

"Oh, sorry. I didn't realize lunch was over." Christina laughs and gets a little red in the face. "I guess we will see you guys at dinner."

As Christina is giving Will yet another goodbye kiss, Tobias grabs me and hugs me. He nuzzles his head into my shoulder and inhales deeply. Then he whispers, "I will see you at dinner. Try not to kill Christina." He releases me and I give him a small smile.

This, of course, complicates things. Why did he just do that? Well, he likes me, we are dating and it was a normal thing to do. Part of me can't help but feel like I should be upset with him over last night. Ugh. I don't really know what to think. I think what I'm really upset about is that he knew I would react the way I did and he still did it. Then, he wouldn't even tell me why he did it.

I don't realize that we aren't moving until I finally look up at Christina. We are standing in the hallway and she is frowning at me with her arms crossed across her chest. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong or should I go back in there and ask Four?"

"Why do you think something is wrong?" I really don't want to talk about this.

"Are you kidding me? I have been able to tell that something is wrong since I first saw you this morning. And then, the way you acted in there with Four confirmed it. Tell me!" The last words were shouted at me as she finished.

As we started walking, I said, "something happened last night and we really haven't talked about it yet."

"Yeah, well I kinda figured that part out already. Tell me what exactly happened."

I sigh outwardly knowing there is no way out for me. I will have to tell her. I succumb to the pressure and say, "we were making out yesterday and when Four started moving his hand up my shirt, I froze."

"Is that all? I really thought it would be much worse."

"Well, I freaked out pretty badly and left the apartment for a while. I just went to the training room to think things through. I went back to the apartment after that, though."

"Oh Tris, Four must be pretty upset with himself."

"Well, shouldn't he be? He told me that he thought I would react the exact way that I did and he still did it anyway. Then, when I asked him why he did it, he wouldn't give me a clear answer. He should be upset."

As I look up at Christina, she is fighting a smile. I just stare at her. "What?"

"Tris, he is a teenage boy. Why do you think he tried to move his hand up your shirt?"

"No, it doesn't have anything to do with that. He knew I would react negatively and he did it anyway. I don't understand that."

She takes my hand in hers. "Tris, it has everything to do with that. When I want to go shopping, I drag you along even though I know you won't like it, right? And I still want you to go even if I know you will pout all day."

"I don't understand what that has to do with my situation." I frown at her because I am clearly missing the connection.

"You say Four knew you would react the way you did and he moved his hand anyway."

"Well, that's what he told me."

"Okay, maybe he moved his hand there because he wanted to. He thought he knew how you would react but in that moment, it didn't matter to him. He wanted to feel how your skin felt under his hand too much to worry about what you would do. He thought you would react a certain way but there is always a chance that he could be wrong; that you could surprise him and go with it." I just stare at her as this realization sinks in. She continues when it is clear I'm not going to say anything in response. "Tris, I'm sure Four wants to help you get over your issues and maybe he thought this was a first step. Besides, put yourself in his shoes. Imagine that you want to get closer to your boyfriend but he has some irrational fear of intimacy. It wouldn't be easy, would it?" She smirks as she sees the expression on my face. I don't appreciate her calling my fear irrational, and she knows it.

Suddenly, last night makes so much more sense. I now feel awful for what I put Tobias through. He was just going with the moment, did something he wanted to do, something he thought I would like and I reacted so badly. I just didn't know what he was going to do after that. When did Christina get so smart about this stuff? Well, it could be something completely different.

As if reading my mind, Christina says, "I could be wrong about all of this. But, I do know more about sex and teenage boys than you do." She smirks at me again.

"Christina, I don't want to hear about how much you know about sex." I roll my eyes as I pull my hand free from hers.

She sighs and says, "fine, but I do wish you would get over that sooner, rather than later so we can actually talk about it." She lets the subject go as we continue on our quest of seeking out the perfect job for both of us.

Throughout the afternoon we visit five more possible jobs. I honestly didn't know there was so much to do around the compound. None of them really interested me and I could tell with a few of them that even Christina didn't know why we were wasting our time. When we finished with the last one, it was time to meet Will and Tobias for dinner.

Dinner was fine and it seemed to go by pretty quickly. We talked about what we had looked at today and I tried not to be too awkward around Tobias. The hard part about that was that he was acting pretty awkward around me and I couldn't help that. Well, not yet at least.

When dinner was finished, Will and Christina left to go for a walk. When they were gone, Tobias tentatively looked at me and asked, "do you want to go for a walk, too?"

"No, not really. Why don't we just go back to the apartment and we can talk." I don't look at him as I stand up and get ready to leave. Even though I don't look at his face, I can hear the sigh he lets out. This isn't going to be easy, for either one of us.

As we enter the apartment, I sit on the bed. We really need a couch or something; some conversations are more challenging here.

As Tobias sits down next to me, he takes my hand in his. "Tris, I am so sorry I did that."

"Are you really?" I try to keep my expression neutral as I say this. I don't want him to think that I am upset at him and accusing him of lying to me. I can see him struggle with something in his mind as his eyebrows pull together. He stands up and starts pacing in front of where I sit.

"Well, umm. I mean…" He sighs as he runs his hands through his hair. "Here's the thing, I'm not sorry I did it," he glances at me to gauge my reaction and then continues when he doesn't see anything different from me, "I am sorry about the way it made you feel, but I'm not sorry I did it."

"Tobias, why did you do it? I mean, why did you do it even though you thought you knew how I would react?"

He sits back down on the bed and looks at me. He grabs both of my hands in his and starts playing with my fingers. It takes him a few minutes before he speaks. "I did it because I wanted to. I wanted to see what it would feel like to be that physically close to you. Your skin is just so soft and I wanted to touch it in a way that I haven't before. So, I took a chance and did it. I thought maybe we could start figuring out what it is about being close that scares you so badly and we could start working on changing that. Then you froze and left and," he stops here and just looks at me.

I move my hands away from his and hold his face on either side. "I'm so sorry I reacted that badly. I shouldn't have left like that. I just needed some time to think and I didn't think I could do that here."

"It's okay. I was just glad you came back. I know you told me that you would but I was worried."

"You know, you could have told me all of this last night when I asked." I drop my hands back down to his and look at him.

He chuckles then says, "no, I couldn't have. I was so embarrassed of what I had done. I didn't know what to think. I liked what I had done but didn't like the reaction I got from it even though I had expected it. I didn't know what to think. I spent most of the night just trying to piece everything together in my mind. I never wanted to hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me. I was just confused. I still am, a bit; not about last night, but about my fear. I do want to figure this out so we can get past it." I look down at our fingers as I say, "do you ever wish you were with a normal girl who didn't have these hang-ups and you could be close to her whenever you wanted?" I know it's my deepest insecurity showing through, but I can't help it.

He grabs my chin and forces my head up so I am looking in his eyes. "I have never once thought of that. There is no one else I want to get close to and there never will be anyone else." He brings his face closer to mine and kisses me. It is a healing kiss and when we finally pull apart, we both have smiles on our faces.

"Maybe we can talk about last night more to figure out what went wrong and see if there is anything we can do to fix the situation for next time." My cheeks get red as I say this.

"I don't want to pressure you into dealing with this fear issue before you are ready. Don't do it for me." He has a frown on his face because he thinks I am doing this for his benefit. While that's not entirely false, it's not the complete reason.

"I'm not doing this for you and I don't feel pressured. I am doing this for us. I want to be with you, and I have a feeling this is going to take a long time to get under control. So, we might as well start somewhere, right?"

With his sheepish grin on his face, he replies, "right. I have a few ideas of ways we may be able to make more sense out of the fear and maybe some things we could try. Only if you want to though…"

Before he finishes his statement, there is a knock at our door. When we open it up, there is a group of our friends on the other side. Apparently, they all want to go zip lining. Tobias isn't fond of the idea but we decide to join our friends anyway. "Can you give us just a minute? We'll be right out." A few of them snicker as I say this.

As soon as I close the door on our friends, I wrap my arms around Tobias's neck. "Rain check on your ideas? Why don't we finish this conversation later." I lean in and kiss him.

"Sounds good to me." We then open the door and join our friends for an evening of fun.


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, the next installment is up. I hope you like it. Drop me a review if you do. It's always nice to hear what you think of it. I only see a few more chapters in the works here. I think this story is losing some steam and I don't want to change the rating any. So, a few more it is. We shall see. I'm not sure how frequently these last few chapters will get posted. My real life starts soon. I will try to get them all done in the next few days.**

**Happy Reading!**

We get back pretty late from zip lining. We had a great time with our friends. We all laughed, joked around and just had fun hanging out. Some people didn't go down the zip line, like Tobias, but there was plenty to do without that. As soon as we were inside the door of our apartment, we were both in bed with most of the lights out. We just lay next to each other for a few minutes before either one of us said anything. I break the silence. "Are you going to go to sleep?"

"I'm a bit tired but I don't think I am ready to sleep yet." As he says this, he starts playing with a strand of my hair. I just lie there, facing him and watch his face. Does he want to talk right now? Does he want to do something else? Butterflies rush my stomach as I am reminded of my reaction the other day. A small chuckle escapes from Tobias's lips and I am pulled out of my thoughts. He leans down, kisses me and brushes his nose along my jaw, to my ear. "What are you thinking about? I can see it all over your face."

I am about to say 'nothing' but I realize that I don't want to lie and I want to talk about this. So I say, "I was wondering if you wanted to talk, you know, about the other night and maybe about some of your ideas." I feel the blush creep into my cheeks as I say this. He notices and brushes his thumbs across both of my cheeks. I think this would be much easier with all the lights out.

"Hey, it's just me here. You can tell me anything." He smiles and continues to rub his thumbs over my blushed cheeks.

"I know, it's just somewhat embarrassing to talk about."

"It isn't that easy for me either. We are in the same situation here."

"Oh that's right, you have issues with being close to me too, right? No, I don't think we are in the same situation here." My voice is a bit tighter than I had planned and my words come out almost sounding angry. When I look into his face, I can tell he is waiting to see where my comment is going to take us. "I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated at myself, not at you. That came out a bit harsher than I had planned."

He smiles at me and kisses me. He continues to kiss me and I forget about being embarrassed or frustrated and for just this moment, it is the two of us and we are normal teenagers making out. Too soon, he pulls away though. Now it's his cheeks that have a blush. "Okay, let's start with a few questions. I have a theory, sort of, about what is going on but we need to figure a few things out first. Okay?" He takes a deep breath as he says his last word.

I put my hand on his cheek and say, "okay." I can tell he is really nervous and until his first question is out of his mouth, I have no idea why.

"The other day, when we started kissing, how did you feel?" How am I supposed to answer that? I just stare at him. He smiles his sheepish grin and says, "I know this isn't really something we have ever talked about and I'm not asking for an ego boost, really. Just be honest."

I still say nothing but just look at him. "Would you be willing to answer the same questions about your own feelings?"

Without missing a beat he says, "absolutely. I wouldn't ask you to do something I wouldn't."

Somehow, this gives me the confidence to start talking. "Okay." I sigh outwardly the words rush out of my mouth. "I felt good. I didn't want you to stop."

He swallows twice and then says, "That's a good start. Can you be a bit more detailed though?" I think our blushes match one another now. This is more embarrassing than I had thought it would be. I cover up my face with my hands and groan into them. Then I just start laughing. When I pull my hands away from my face to look at him, he has a bewildered expression on his face.

"This is awful," I manage to get out between laughs. I can't believe I am nervous laughing.

"We can stop if you want to." He sounds a bit lost at what to do with this hysterical girl in front of him.

"No, I don't want to stop. Can I turn around, face the wall or something? Would that make me too much of a coward?"

"No, you can turn around if you want." He has a relieved grin on his face. I'm not sure if he is relieved because this will make it easier for him to talk, too or if he is relieved that I want to continue to talk about this. I flip around so my back is to his chest and I am looking out at the wall. He pulls me close to him and I lace our fingers together. This feels a bit better. We are still close, closer than we were when we were looking at each other, and I don't have to worry about how my face looks as I answer his questions. "Better?" he asks.

"Yeah." I take a few moments to collect my thoughts before I continue. "When you started kissing me the other day, I felt good and wanted. It was as if you didn't know anyone else existed and I was the only one that mattered to you. I also had butterflies in my stomach, but they were the good kind, you know. I didn't want you to stop." I continue to play with his fingers as I speak.

I hear Tobias's breaths coming out a bit uneven and he has to clear his voice before he can respond. "That's good. Okay, how about when I started kissing your neck? How did that make you feel?"

I close my eyes as I remember that night. "It was much like when you were kissing me, just better. My entire body has this warm, tingly feeling. My mind felt empty and the only thing I was thinking about was how good it felt. I would have let you do that for days." I chuckle at that response. I can feel Tobias pull me even closer to him, though I don't think there is any empty space between us.

"And then when I touched your stomach with my hand, under your shirt. How did you feel then?"

"Well, I obviously I froze." I don't say anything else.

"Why did you freeze? What were you feeling and thinking when that happened?"

"It was so unexpected and I didn't know what you were going to do. I was afraid of how far you would take it; how far you would want to take it. So, I just shut down."

"Yeah, clearly you didn't like that." He chuckles as he says this. "Thanks for sharing all of that with me. I know it wasn't easy." He nuzzles my ear with his mouth and kisses me on the neck, below my ear. Too soon though, he moves his head away and starts talking again. "Here's my theory. All of your fears have something to do with you being out of control in a situation. The way you are able to manipulate the simulations is to gain that control you thought you didn't have. I think the same thing works here. You felt like you weren't in control when I touched you the other night. You had no idea where it was going to lead and you were scared of that. How does that sound?"

I think about what he just said and it does make sense. The birds, my family, him…, they all had to do with my having no control in that situation but once I gained the control, I could easily get out of the simulations. "That sounds like a pretty good theory. But that doesn't help us fix our problem."

"Well, the first thing to think about it that even though you felt like you had no control when I touched you, you had all the control, Tris."

I don't understand this. "You lost me."

"Okay, think about it this way. If we were in the training room, and we were fighting, you would have control over your body and your movements, right?" I nod in assent. "So you know you have control and can fight back to keep that control when you are in the training room. But here, in this room and in this bed, you don't feel that way for some reason. If I were to grab your wrist right now, could you get out of my grip?" Again, I nod in assent. "Of course you could. I am not going to do anything to hurt you, in there or in here. If there is something you don't like, you have all the power to stop it, no matter where you are."

I let his words sink in a bit. "So, instead of freezing and running out the door the other night, I could have simply punched you to get you to stop." I start laughing and I can feel Tobias laughing behind me as well. He kisses my hair.

"Well, that's one way to do it. Or, you could have simply moved my hand."

"Why didn't I think to do that instead of run the other night?" I am confused by my actions.

"Maybe because you have no experience in here. Actually, we both have no experience in here. Everything is new and different and there have been no boundaries drawn up. This isn't a sparing game in here. The normal rules of survival don't apply." He sounds so sure.

"Okay, so now what? Where do we go from here?"

"Well, I think there might be a second part to this. You said you didn't know how far I was going to take things and it scared you. What if we set some specific guidelines so you won't have to worry about that?"

"Can you give me an example?" I'm not sure about what he means.

"Sure. Umm, let's say, for a while, you know, until you are ready for anything else, we just kiss. So, the specific guidelines would be kissing lips and neck only. That way, you wouldn't have to worry about where it would lead because you know it won't. That's it."

Before I make a decision about something we are going to do together, I want to know how the other night made him feel. I want this to be okay for both of us. "Okay, so let me ask you something. The other night, how did you feel about what you were doing?"

He sighs outwardly and doesn't say anything. I give him a few minutes to respond. He still doesn't say anything. "I was honest with you and told you how I felt. You can tell me."

"I don't want to scare you."

"You won't, I promise. Just tell me."

"It felt great. I had never made out with anyone like that before. I thought you liked it and it made me want to do it even more because of that. I felt pretty good because I have no experience with it and it seemed to be going well. I wanted to feel how your skin felt where I hadn't touched it before so I just moved my hand there. The whole time I just felt so lucky that I was getting to do this with you. It made me feel wanted in a way that I had never experienced before." He starts laughing as he says, "and then you ran out. That feeling kind of changed after that."

"I'm sorry," I say as I laugh, as well.

"No, it's fine and it makes sense why you did that." We just lie there in each other's arms, silently for a while.

"I like your idea about the clear boundaries."

"You do?" He sounds so surprised as he says this. "I mean, it's just an idea. It might not work at all. All of this is just trial and error."

"I want to try it. We might as well start moving forward instead of being stuck where we are. Only if you want to, though."

"Umm, yeah, I'm okay with trying that." We both laugh at his response. "So, just kissing for a while then. Does that work for you?"

"Yeah, that sounds good." As I say this, I turn around so I am once again facing him. "Thank you." I cup his face with one of my hands.

"For what?" His brows are furrowed as he says this.

"For trying to figure this out with me. For not leaving for someone easier to deal with. For everything."

"Tris, this is where I want to be, here with you. This is our life. It's what I want, so of course I will figure this out with you." He kisses me briefly. "It's pretty late. We should probably get some sleep."

We both drift off to sleep in each other's arms.


	10. Chapter 10

**Well, this chapter is a but "fluffier" than I thought it would be. Oh well. Everyone needs a bit of fluff in their life from time to time. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Thanks for all of those who review and follow the story. You are AMAZING!**

For the past few weeks, life has been pretty good. Normal life seems to be settling in and all of my friends and I seem to be easing into our lives as the working Dauntless now. I finally decided to work with Tori in the tattoo center. I really like it. It's more complicated than I thought it would be though. I haven't completed my first tattoo yet but I have helped with filling in some sections on tattoos that Tori works on. I keep practicing so that I can do my first, complete tattoo soon. I mainly spend my days cleaning up the space, figuring out how all the machines and devices work, practice giving tattoos on dolls and learning as much from Tori, when she has a client, as I can. All of my friends have told me that they want me to give them their next tattoos so we will see how long it takes me to be ready.

Tobias has been really busy lately. He has been training Will in the control room and it seems that some of the other factions are having some issues with their computers. So, he has had to do a lot of troubleshooting to figure things out. I can't imagine how hard his job must be. I didn't realize that there was such an issue until he told me he had to go to another faction for a few days.

We were lying in bed, in each other's arms after making out for a bit one night when he said, "I have to go to Amity for a couple days. We can't seem to get their computer on line and functioning properly."

"I didn't think we were particularly friendly with Amity. They don't like us, right?" I am a bit confused about why they would want our help.

He chuckles slightly. "Well, no, we don't get along all that well but they need help and we are the closest faction that can give them what they need. It should be an easy fix but I need to be on their side to do it."

I don't say anything for a while. This will be the first time we have been apart since we started living together. It will be really strange. "Is it going to be dangerous?" I ask tentatively.

"No, there is a group of us going together and the Amity are all about peace. Nothing will happen." He tries to reassure me but something about this makes me feel uneasy. "It will only be for two maybe three days at the most. We will all be fine." He buries his nose in my neck as he says this.

"When do you leave?" My voice comes out as a whisper.

"The day after tomorrow."

At breakfast, everyone is talking about it. A trip like this hasn't been needed in quite some time since every faction has someone who can work in their control rooms.

"Tris, it's too bad you're going to miss all the action. It's going to be great." Zeke says as we all eat our food.

"You're going, too?" I'm a bit surprised by this and then realize that I have no idea who else is going with Tobias.

"Of course I'm going. They need all the muscle they can get." Then, seeing my reaction to his comment, he says, "I mean, we aren't going to need it. I'm taking this as a much needed vacation."

I hear Christina chuckle next to me. "Zeke, have you ever been to Amity before?" Both Christina and I have been and know what to expect.

"No. That's what makes it so much better – the unknown. It's going to be great." He can't keep the excitement out of his voice.

Tobias comes up to the table and sits next to me. He grabs my hand under the table and gives it a quick squeeze before he starts in on his food.

"Who all is going with you tomorrow?" I want to know who else will be there and I can't believe I didn't ask him last night when he told me he was going.

"Just Zeke and Will. Why?"

"I was just wondering. Why are you taking Will?" He is still in training but I know this is something completely different from what they usually have to deal with.

He shrugs his shoulders. "It will be good for him to see how this works. If nothing else, the dealings with another faction under circumstances like these are pretty unique. If he is going to be working in the control room, he should see it."

"Hey, let's all throw a party tonight. It will be like a going away gig." Zeke looks around the table to gauge everyone's reactions. Most people are smiling at him and nodding their heads.

"You do realize we have to leave early tomorrow, right?" Tobias is trying to be the rational one of the group.

"It doesn't have to be an all-night thing. We can meet up after dinner and just hang out until we all fall asleep."

"Count me and Tris out."

"What, why?" Zeke sounds a bit put out by Tobias's sudden statement.

"We are going to spend the evening alone, that's all." He squeezes my hand again. I have no idea what he is talking about. We haven't talked about doing anything special tonight.

"Oh, I get it. Someone wants to get lucky before we leave tomorrow." Zeke snickers as he says this.

I can feel my face turn bright red and I just look away. Tobias, on the other hand, throws a muffin at Zeke's head and says, "shut up. You don't know what you're talking about."

When everyone has left the table to go to work, I turn around to look at Tobias. "What are we doing tonight? I didn't know we had plans."

"Yea, sorry about that. Do you want to go to the party? If you do, we can go. It's no big deal." He seems nervous about something.

"No, I didn't really want to go anyway. You just took me by surprise. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, why?" He looks confused by the question.

"You look and sound nervous about something. What's going on?"

He laughs and grabs me so I am in his arms. "There is nothing going on. I promise. I was just worried that you would be upset because I cancelled out on our friends tonight without seeing if you wanted to go." I feel him shrug his shoulders. "I just want to spend some time with you tonight. I thought we could go on a picnic and just be alone. Really, that's it." As I pull away from him, just far enough to look into his eyes, I see no apprehension or nervousness. He just wants to spend time with me, alone. As I melt a little inside, I kiss him.

"That sounds perfect." After we kiss for a bit, we both get up and leave to start our days.

I spend the rest of the day working on my tattooing skills and thinking about tonight. I'm glad we will be alone. We have spent quite a bit of time with our friends lately and aside from inside our apartment, we haven't been alone in a while. I wonder where we will have our picnic.

After work, I find Tobias getting our dinner together. "Hey, how was your day?" He asks as he hugs me.

"It was okay. Nothing really happened. It was pretty slow. How about yours?"

"It was good. We are all set for tomorrow. We have to leave pretty early so we made sure everything was put together today. Are you ready for our picnic?" He has a huge smile on his face.

"Sure. Where are we going?"

He laughs and grabs my hands as we start to make our way out of the building. "I actually don't know. I just thought we could wander around until we found something. I didn't think we would go too far away, but we have lots of choices around the compound."

We set off looking for a spot to eat. We walk around outside and there are so many places just outside our walls that I haven't seen before. I'm amazed at just how much time I spend inside now. We find a grassy spot near what looks like an old playground. We start talking about everything and nothing and eat our food. Before I know it, we are making out.

I break away from Tobias's lips to ask, "do you think we should be doing this here? Won't someone see us?"

As I ask my questions, his lips move down to my neck, right below my ear. In between kisses, he says, "I don't think anyone is going to see us. Besides, who cares if they do?" I can feel his smile against my neck.

He has succeeded in turning my whole body to mush. I feel so light, warm and fuzzy. When his lips get close to my collar bone, and to my tattoos, a moan escapes from my mouth. I can feel the blush creep up my cheeks and Tobias's smile against my neck. He starts to move his mouth back up to my ear and whispers, "I love hearing how I make you feel. Don't be embarrassed about it." I freeze. He has never said anything like this to me before. His words send a shiver down my spine and it is a pleasure I have never felt before. I don't feel fear. In fact, I'm far from it. As he stills, noticing my reaction, he looks up into my face. What I see there is want and need and I can't take it any longer. I throw myself at him, knocking him backwards so I am lying on top of him. I start attacking his mouth. He starts smiling and that turns into laughing. "I didn't think that statement would get that kind of response from you. If I had known, I might have thought of something like that sooner." We both laugh at my reaction.

Tobias rolls to the side so we are lying side by side looking at each other. We watch each other and Tobias plays with a strand of my hair. I am suddenly struck by how much I care about him. We have been through so much together. I just hope that I make him as happy as he makes me.

As we continue to stare at each other, Tobias sighs as he says, "So, I have been thinking about something and I wanted to talk to you about it." A blush creeps up his cheek. What is this? He wants to talk to me about something and he is blushing?

I tentatively brush his cheek with my fingers. I smile up at him. "Well, you have me intrigued."

He gives me his shy, sheepish grin. He reaches up and places his palm against the hand I have resting on his face. He turns his head so that he can kiss my palm and moves our hands together so they are lying between us. "I don't want you to get upset and react badly to what I am about to say. It's just an idea." The look in his eyes scares me a bit. He thinks that I will get upset about what he is going to say? Is there really some danger in him leaving to visit Amity and he is finally going to tell me? What possibly could be so bad that he worries about my reaction? As I think about all the possible awful things he could tell me, he lifts my chin so I am looking in his eyes. "What are you thinking about? You look so thoughtful and worried."

I wrinkle my brows as I answer him. "I'm thinking about all the horrible things you are going to tell me. I am trying to prepare myself in some way." As I finish answering his questions, he starts laughing. It's a bit of a nervous laugh. It annoys me a bit. "Well, I'm so glad I can amuse you with this. I don't find the idea of you telling me something awful funny in the least."

He stops his laughing and leans in to kiss me. He lingers close to my mouth, looks in my eyes and says, "I didn't say I was going to tell you something awful. I told you I didn't want you to react badly to what I was going to tell you."

I am really confused now. "What good thing could you tell me that would make me react badly? That only means you are going to tell me something bad."

"No, it doesn't." He smiles as he starts to kiss me. I kiss him back even though I know he is stalling. When he pulls away, he stays close to my ear. "I want to talk about us, and the progress we are making." He runs his nose along my jaw.

"Oh." I can't think of anything else to say. I don't know where he is going with this and he is making me turn to mush again. I can feel the blush creep up my neck but Tobias can't see it because he is buried in my neck.

He remains there, not looking at me as he says, "I was going to wait for you to bring it up but I didn't know if you would. So, I thought I would take a chance and see what you thought."

"Okay." Again, I don't know what else to say.

He chuckles against my mouth. "Is this conversation going to be one-sided or are you going to use more than one word to respond?"

I smile and push him away from me. "Maybe if you would stop distracting me, and making me think the worse, I could manage more than one word in response." I make a mock pouting expression on my face.

He smiles and stares at our entwined hands lying on the grass between us. "It seems like you have been enjoying what we have been doing physically. Am I wrong about that?"

We haven't done anything but make out but it has been wonderful. I haven't had to worry about where he would take it once since we talked about it. However, I am suddenly nervous about what he wants now. I manage to say "no" but it comes out as a whisper. He looks up into my eyes and smiles at me. I clear my voice and will more words to come out. "I mean, yes, I have enjoyed it and no, you aren't wrong in thinking that." I stare back at him, waiting for what is coming next.

"Don't be nervous, I just want to have a conversation about this. Nothing has to be decided now and we don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Okay?" I nod but don't say anything in response. "I was wondering if you wanted to try anything else, um, physical. We seem to have gotten this part down pretty well." He just stares at me after he says this and I stare back. What does he want to do? What if I don't want to do what he thinks we should do next? Will he not want to be with me anymore? What if I agree and then freeze the first time we try it? I am lost in my thoughts when I hear Tobias say, "Tris?"

"Yeah?" I look at him and he has a confused expression on his face.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yeah."

"Um, okay, what do you think?"

"What do I think about what?" I am a bit lost on what I am supposed to say.

"I asked you if you wanted to try anything else." I see his forehead crease as he tries to figure out what I'm thinking.

"Oh. Yeah. Um, I'm not really sure. What were you thinking?"

"Well, I was thinking maybe we could add to what we have already been doing and try some, um, touching." His face gets bright red as he finishes.

I caress his cheek. "I'm sorry I'm making this so hard for you."

He grabs my hand away from his cheek and looks at me with a sheepish grin on his face. "It's not you. I have never done this before. I don't even know how to talk about it." We both start laughing together.

"We are pathetic. It's a good thing we got together," I say to try and lighten the mood.

"Yes, it's a very good thing." His eyes light up as he says this. He just looks at me as our laughing dies away.

I decide to break the silence. He has put himself out there so I might as well help him. "So, what exactly did you have in mind? I think I still need specific boundaries so I don't have to think about not knowing where things will lead."

"I was thinking we could try above the waist. Is that specific enough?"

"I think so. We can always try it and we can adjust if we need to, right?"

"Absolutely." He gets pretty quiet as he looks at me. "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. If this is too much, just tell me."

"Trying it can't hurt. Besides, it will get us one step further, which is what we both want here. You told me before that I have all the power." I shrug my shoulders. "So, if I don't like it, I'll just punch you to get you to stop." I can't stop from smiling as I say this. Tobias starts laughing at my response as well. "Can I make one request though?"

"Of course you can. Whatever you want Tris, it's yours."

"Well, I'm not sure if you brought this up tonight because you wanted to try it before you go out of town tomorrow but I would really rather wait until you get back. If things go poorly with my reaction, and I'm not saying it will, but I would rather be able to work it out before you have to leave and things are unresolved. Does that make sense?" I realize that I have said this so quickly, he may not have gotten everything.

He smiles at me and says, "Of course we can wait. In fact, your reasoning is pretty sound. I hadn't thought about it that way. It's definitely the way to go."

For the rest of the evening, we lay in each other's arms talking and just enjoying being together. Tomorrow will be a long day since he is leaving. We don't talk about that though. We just enjoy these moments that we have right now.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you for all the reviews and for following this story. It's all great! Keep reading and I'll keep writing, deal?!**

**This chapter is a bit short but needed to get me to the next one. I am really excited about the next one. Hopefully, you are too.**

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Today is dragging by pretty slowly. Tobias and the others left early this morning. I stayed in bed this morning for a while until it was clear that it was pointless for me to do so. Regardless of what I did, I would be thinking about Tobias so I might as well get my day started.

When I arrived at breakfast, Christina was already there. "Hey, I was surprised I didn't see you earlier when the guys left." I have no idea what she is talking about.

"What do you mean? They left really early."

"I know. I walked with Will to the train to see them off. I'm really surprised you weren't there. Guys like stuff like that." She sounds so matter of fact.

"Oh. I had no idea. It actually didn't even cross my mind." I frown as I tell her this. Did I do something wrong? Should I have been there?

"You know Tris, if you want to keep Four around for the long term, you really should start thinking about stuff like that. You don't want him to get bored with you and think you don't care about the small things." Where is this coming from? She usually doesn't criticize me like this and I really don't know how to respond. Thankfully, I don't have to. Christina turns to someone sitting next to her and starts chatting away.

Work goes well except I make a big mistake on a practice tattoo I was working on. I was just going through the motions of tattooing my doll and Tori came up to see how I was doing. I obviously wasn't paying too much attention because I had misspelled the word I was working with. My mind was just so focused on how much I missed Tobias. If I couldn't get through one day without him, how was I possibly going to make it through two or three? Tori just laughed when she saw my mistake. I am clearly not ready for human models yet.

I didn't bother meeting Christina for lunch. I didn't want to be criticized more but I did see her at dinner. She was sitting alone so I went up and sat near her. She started telling me about her day and how much she loves her job working in the retail center. It really is a perfect job for her. She starts telling me about some new clothes they just got in. "You really should come shopping one day while Four is gone, Tris. Some new clothes might help with your issues."

"Christina, what are you talking about? I don't need any new clothes and I don't have issues with Four." I am getting pretty angry at this point.

Christina sighs and then starts talking to me like I am a child. "I'm just saying, maybe some new clothes will make you feel pretty and Four will be able to tell that there is something different about you. He won't be able to keep his hands off of you."

"I don't really need to help Four out with that. He likes touching me just fine, thank you." I can't believe she is talking like this and I have no idea where this is coming from.

"Oh, I didn't know that you guys were already having sex." She sounds a bit upset that I hadn't told her yet.

"We aren't. Regardless, I don't need to change my clothes to get Four to like me any better. Where is all of this coming from, anyway?"

"I just don't want to see you hurt if Four decides that he wants to move on because he is bored." I sit there stunned by what she has just said.

"You know Christina, that was a really crappy thing to say." I get up and leave her sitting there by herself. What the hell? Why was she talking to me like that? Did Tobias say something to her when he left this morning?

When I get back to the apartment, I know I am not going to be able to sleep. So, I turn right around and head to the training room. I try and work out some of my frustrations. By the time I am done, I need a shower and I am exhausted. I make my way back to the room, shower and then fall into bed. I can't stop thinking about what Christina said today. Is she right? Do I need to start worrying about how Tobias will feel in the future and should I make some changes now to help things? Maybe I should start wearing makeup more often and try to wear better clothes. Ugh, does he even care about such things? Maybe he doesn't now, but he might later. I finally drift off to sleep but it isn't a restful sleep. I toss and turn all night. At one point, I grab onto Tobias's pillow and hold it to my side as I inhale his scent. I miss him. I want him in bed with me. I'm so used to falling asleep next to him. I wonder if he is having a hard time sleeping as well. This is the last thing I remember when I wake up the next morning.

When I go in for breakfast, I see Christina at a table with a few other young Dauntless. There is an open seat next to her but I am not going to take it. Instead, I sit at the table across from her and face away from her so I don't even have to look at her. Unfortunately, I can still hear her. "I packed Will a bag full of snacks for his trip. I try to do little things like that for him so he knows how much I care and that I am thinking of him." She isn't talking quietly and I think she wants me to hear her conversation.

One of the other girls sitting with her says, "Christina, Will is so lucky to have you as a girlfriend. I bet he loves you and can't wait to get back to be with you."

I hurry up, eat my food and leave for work. It's another long day of wandering thoughts but at least I don't mess anything up. Did Christina really pack will snacks? Couldn't he have done that if he wanted to? Should I have packed something for Tobias? I guess I could have written him a note or something and snuck it in his bag. What kind of girlfriend am I if I don't do little things to make him feel good?

For dinner I just grab some food and eat in the apartment, alone. I don't want to overhear anymore conversations from Christina. As I eat my food, I wonder why Tobias is with me. I know he told me after my fear landscape, when I told him I had an intimacy issue, but maybe those reasons have changed. Maybe he doesn't know why he is with me. I don't do little things like Christina was talking about and I don't dress up or wear makeup all the time. I would much rather lounge in sweats or jeans than wear a dress or skirt. Maybe he would like me more if I did. Could he already be bored with me? Maybe he was glad to get away on this trip so he could have some space. No, that's ridiculous. I know he is missing me and didn't want to leave in the first place. Right?

I torment myself like this for the remainder of the night. I don't sleep well at all and when my alarm goes off the next morning, I don't feel like I have gotten any rest. At least I can focus on the fact that Tobias should be home today. What will I do when he gets back? Should I ask him about it? Maybe I will dress up a bit for when he gets home. I focus on what I can do to make myself look the best I can as I walk to get breakfast. Again, I don't sit next to Christina but I overhear her conversation.

"I'm so excited that Will is coming home today. I bought a new outfit and some new eyeliner yesterday to surprise him with. He won't be able to resist." She laughs along with the girls that are sitting near her.

I refuse to buy any new clothes. Besides, if I did, I would have to get it from Christina and that's not happening. Instead, I try and focus on my tasks and try not to think of finally seeing Tobias again. I don't know when they are supposed to get back. I hope it isn't too late.

After work, I put on the only black dress I have, line my eyes and apply a little more makeup. I try sitting in the apartment but I just can't sit still. I decide to go on the roof so I can meet him when they get here. As I open the door to the outside, I see Christina standing there as well. We don't talk to one another; we try not to even look at one another. She is wearing black pants, high black heels and a black lacy top. She looks really dressed up. A bit too dressed up if you ask me. She also looks a bit nervous. This doesn't make much sense to me.

Thankfully, we don't have to stand around awkwardly for long. As the next train approaches, I see Tobias partway hanging out of the train car. When the guys have jumped from the train, I can't help the huge grin that appears on my face. I take a tentative look Christina's way and see that she is biting her lip, looking at the ground. Right then, Tobias walks up to me. I throw my arms around him and he buries his head in my shoulder. It feels like heaven. Then he picks me up and my feet are not touching the ground. We both start laughing as he gives me a long kiss. As he puts my feet back on the ground, he leans in and whispers, "I missed you." He kisses me again and rests his forehead against mine.

"Me too. I'm so glad you're home." Just as we start to pull away from each other, Zeke comes up behind us.

"Get a room. No one wants to see that." Zeke has a mock grossed out expression on his face. Tobias punches him in the arm as he takes my hand so we can walk in the building together.

"We already have one. Where do you think we are headed?" Tobias elicits a laugh out of Zeke as we walk together. I notice that Will and Christina aren't really talking. They aren't even holding hands as they walk in the building. I don't really care. Tobias is home and I don't want to spoil it.

We head by the control room so Tobias and the guys can drop some things off then we go straight to the apartment. As soon as the door is closed behind us, I am in his arms. I kiss him and relish in the fact that he is home safely and in my arms. When we pull away from each other, Tobias takes in my appearance. "You look good, Tris." I can feel my cheeks blush a bit. "What's with the dress and the makeup? You didn't get all dressed up to welcome me home, did you?" He brushes a strand of my hair away from my face.

"I thought it would be nice for a change, that's all." It's not entirely the truth but it is something different. "Do you like it?" I turn around slowly in front of him.

"Of course. I like anything you wear." He leans in so his face is level with mine. "You know, I don't really care what you are wearing. You could be wearing nothing and I would still feel the same way. It's not the clothes, it's you I care about." My face is bright red. How did we go from talking about my dress to me being naked? He takes in my expression, laughs and moves to unpack the small amount of things he took with him. "So, tell me about what happened when I was gone."

Before I have time to think, it all comes tumbling out of my mouth. "Well, Christina and I got in a big fight. The day you left she started criticizing me for things I don't do in our relationship. She told me that I should have been at the train when you all left, even though that never occurred to me. She also said I should dress better because you will eventually get bored with me. She kept saying things like that. Then I overheard her telling a group of girls that she packed Will some food for while he was gone and I felt bad that I hadn't done the same for you. I was thinking that maybe what she was saying made sense and I wondered if you ever thought that I was a bad girlfriend because I don't do little things for you and I never look nice. I messed up on a tattoo I was working on one day because I just couldn't clear my mind." I don't realize that I am pacing near where Tobias sits on the bed.

Before I know it, he has grabbed me and pulled me down so I am sitting on his lap. He buries his face in my hair and I can feel him inhaling and exhaling. Next to my ear, he says, "I missed the way you smell while I was gone. You smell like home." I say nothing, because I have no idea what to say. I feel the same way about him. My shoulders start to relax and I can feel my whole body do the same. He pulls away just enough to look at me when he talks. He rubs small circles on my back. "I don't care about what you wear, like I said earlier. That stuff has never mattered to me. And you know, you do more small things for me than you realize." I wrinkle my nose at this because I don't think it's true. "It's true. When I sleep in after working for days straight, who gets me breakfast and brings it here so I don't have to get up? Who foregoes spending time with friends so she can spend time with just me? Who can pull me out of a bad mood quicker than anything? Tris, you are all that I need and all that I want. Don't let Christina's troubled relationship make you question ours."

"What do you mean her troubled relationship?" I have no idea what he is talking about.

"I thought she would have told you but apparently she took a different approach, entirely." He sighs. "Will is getting his own apartment. He wants a break from things. He feels like she is too clingy and he doesn't want to feel tied down right now."

Oh. "Do you feel tied down?" I bite my bottom lip because I am afraid of his answer. Will and Christina have always seemed so happy together and if they can fall apart, we aren't immune either.

"No, I want to be tied down." The look on his face is pure adoration. I throw my arms around his neck. He chuckles lightly. "It's not all Christina's fault. I just heard Will talk about it this weekend. I have gotten the impression over the last few weeks that he really wasn't invested in it. I guess they both could have changed things." He shrugs.

"I was so angry with Christina for making me feel like crap. I guess I should go talk to her tomorrow and find out what is going on. I don't know why she talked to me the way she did."

"Well, maybe she was too embarrassed to tell you so instead she wanted to pick you apart to make herself feel better." He laughs. "What do I know? I don't pretend to understand teenage girls."

"You understand me."

"Well, you aren't the typical teenage girl. You are smart, brave, strong, and you're mine." He nuzzles my neck and tickles me. As I start laughing, he stands up, without letting me go and throws me on the bed. I continue to laugh until he lays on top of me and makes me forget everything when he starts kissing me. I'll worry about Christina tomorrow but right now, I have more important things to think about.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks again for all of you wonderful readers! Pat yourselves on the back; you truly are awesome. The reviews and followings keep me interested in writing. So, thanks for taking the time to do that.**

**This chapter is a bit short but full of angsty goodness. I hope you like it. :) Enjoy.**

Tobias and I don't rush to get out of bed earlier than we have to. We don't want to leave our space and share each other. It feels so good just to leisurely wake up while in his arms. There isn't another place I would rather be. When we finally have to leave our apartment, we slowly walk to breakfast. On our way, Tobias lifts our joined hands to his mouth and he kisses the back of my hand. "I'm really glad I am back. I missed this." He smiles as we enter the room where our friends will require our attention and our quiet bliss will be shattered.

We sit down with Zeke and Will but Christina is not there. "I think I'll just get something to go and find Christina." I whisper this to Tobias so he will know where I am going. He nods before giving me a kiss.

"Zeke and I are going to be working out in the training room after breakfast. Why don't you meet us there when you are done?" We don't have to work today so it looks like the guys are taking some time to work on their skills.

"Sure, I'll see you later." I smile and get up to leave. I grab a few muffins and head to find Christina. Since we all have the day off, I figured I would start in her apartment. I'm not really sure what I want to say to her and I have no idea how I will find her since she has broken up with Will. When I reach her door, I stand outside for a while trying to think of what to do. I don't come up with anything so I decide to knock and figure it all out later.

I have to knock six different times before she answers the door. When she does, she looks awful. Her eyes are puffy and red and it is clear she has been crying all night. She is in sweats and her hair is thrown up in a messy bun. When she looks at me, she starts crying and walks further into her apartment. She doesn't shut the door so I assume she doesn't mind me being there. I follow her in and shut the door behind me.

"Christina, what's wrong?" I try to sound like I am concerned, which truthfully, I am. I have never seen her like this.

"I'm sure you already know. Will and I broke up." She sniffs as she says this.

"Tobias told me last night. I'm so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't understand it. I mean, I was a great girlfriend. I don't know why he would want to break up with me. I have actually been in a relationship before and can't keep a boyfriend where you have no experience and you two seem to be perfect." Her last words come out pretty harshly. Is Christina jealous of me? This is new. I have never had anyone be jealous of me for any reason.

"Christina, you can't compare relationships. There are so many factors that make things different." I shrug. "I always thought you and Will were happy and that things were going well."

"Well, I didn't want to say anything. Why would I go around blabbing about how my relationship is falling apart?" She starts crying again as she says this.

"Christina, you can tell me anything. We're friends. Well, at least I thought we were before a few days ago." I look to her for an answer.

"Oh Tris, we are friends. I don't know what got into me. I was so jealous that you and Four seem perfect when Will was talking about moving out. I didn't know what to do. I guess I thought that if you were unhappy because of what I said, we would be in the same situation. I'm sorry."

"That's okay, I just wish you would have talked to me instead of insulting me like you did. You really hurt my feelings."

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again." She tries to smile but her puffy face and red eyes make it look more like a grimace.

"So, tell me what is going on." We sit on the couch and I listen to her tell me all about the problems she has been having recently with Will. She says that he has been acting really distant for weeks and that he acts like he doesn't care. Apparently, right before the guys left on their trip to visit Amity, he told her he was going to move out when they got back and that he wanted to be single again. She showed up to wait for the train last night because she was hoping he had changed his mind. That wasn't the case. He moved half of his stuff out last night and the other half before breakfast. "I'm so sorry Christina. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No, but thanks for offering. I'll be fine." She tries to give me a smile. I stay at her place for a while longer just talking about work and things not related to boys. When I get up to leave, I tell her that I will be by later to check on her and bring her some dinner.

I feel bad for her. I can't imagine how hard it must be to lose someone you care so much about. She seemed to really like Will. I thought he liked her, too, but I guess things change. I head to the training room to find Zeke and Tobias. I open the door and they are having a conversation as they practice their knife throwing skills. They don't hear me come in so I just quietly stand by the door and watch and listen.

"I just don't understand how you do it. I mean, how do you have that much self-control?" Zeke asks as he throws a huge knife at the target. He misses.

"It's not like you think. We do plenty of things together so it's not like I'm going without. Besides, I would rather her be okay with what we are doing then freak out and leave. I don't want to make her uncomfortable. She has issues and I respect that."

What? They are talking about me. I freeze where I am standing. I can't believe Tobias has told Zeke about my fears. That is personal information.

"Well, you sure are a better person than I am. I would have gotten bored with that game months ago." Zeke chuckles at what he has said.

"It's not a game." He shrugs his shoulders and continues, "I care about her and want to be with her. It's no big deal. Besides, it will happen, eventually."

"Yeah, but by then you might be an old man and gray." Zeke and Tobias start laughing at this.

"Shut up," is the last thing I hear before I shut the door behind me. They were laughing at me? I can't believe it. By the time I reach our apartment, I am livid. I start pacing the room thinking about what I overheard. Tobias told Zeke about what we do and don't do physically and he knows all about my fears. I feel like I have been betrayed. That is personal information that isn't his to share with everyone around. I can't believe he did that to me.

I am still fuming as the door opens and Tobias walks in. He looks surprised to see me since I didn't go by the training room after I talked with Christina. As I walk up to him, he puts his arms out like he is going to hug me but I reach him first. I slap him across the face using all of my strength. He was completely taken off guard and just stares at me. "What the hell was that for?" He looks hurt and confused.

"I heard your little conversation in the training room."

He has a dumfounded expression as he starts to rub his cheek. When recognition hits him he says, "Tris, it's not what you think."

"I know what I heard." And with that, I walk out the door and leave him rubbing his cheek in confusion and shock.


	13. Chapter 13

**I loved the reviews I got for the last chapter of this story. Let's see, some were nice, I had one death threat on my life if I kept Tobias and Tris apart (jokingly, of course) and one that stated I was ruining someone's life with this story (again, jokingly). Each one made me laugh and smile. You guys really are the best. :) Thanks!**

**Don't hate me for this chapter. It is a short one and I thought I would draw this out a bit more. (insert evil laugh here)**

**Enjoy!**

When I walk out of the apartment, I know exactly where I am headed. I head straight for the roof and the train. I jump on the first car I see and crash to the floor. I stay like that for a while. I eventually sit up with my back against the wall. I ride the train for what seems like hours. Thankfully, no one disturbs me. I stand at the open door of the train car periodically as well, hold on to the sides and lean out so I can feel the wind whip by me. After this, my hair is a tangled mess so I have to spend time combing it out with my fingers but the rush is worth it.

I try to think about what I heard and exactly why I am so upset. I'm upset that Tobias told Zeke about my fears in the first place. He could have told him other things about us and I wouldn't have been so upset by it. I feel like he abused my trust and did something he had no right to do. That information is mine just as the fear is mine; it isn't his to give out when he wants. I am also mad because they were laughing at me.

I decide that I am done riding this train and thinking about what happened. I'm going to go get some clothes and stay with Christina tonight. I don't want to talk about it and Tobias is the one who needs to fix this, not me. I decide to enter the compound the same way I did on my first day at Dauntless headquarters; I jump through the hole. It is a rush and as soon as I feel the wind whipping around me, I know I made the right choice. I love this feeling and it is just what I needed.

I head to the apartment and when I get there, Tobias is sitting down. I walk in and don't say anything to him.

"Tris, tell me why you are so upset." He has a pleading look on his face. I walk right past him and start gathering up some things to take with me to Christina's house. He notices and asks, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to go stay with Christina tonight." I don't look at him as I say this. I continue to collect my things. The next thing I hear shocks me.

"No, you're not." His voice is tight.

I snap my head up to look directly at him. "What did you say?"

"I said, you aren't going to stay with Christina tonight." He stares back and the expression on his face matches my own.

"You are not going to tell me what I can and can't do."

"I am not dating a child, so quit acting like one." He sounds really angry now.

"Excuse me?" I just stare open mouthed at him. How dare he call me a child. He was the one laughing at me with a friend of his. I have done nothing wrong here.

"If you run to Christina's, you are taking the easy way out. It's something that a child would do. We are adults; we don't run from our problems. Talk to me." His voice is pleading when he finishes. I just stare at him. Do I still leave? I really want to. However, if I do, I'll be admitting that I'm acting like a child. I do want to be adult about this but I am so mad. I just don't know what to do. "Tris, I can't make you stay here. If you want to leave, leave. I hope you don't though. I would really just like to work this out. Just talk to me. I want to know why you are so upset."

I stare at him for a while. I finally say, "I don't want to talk right now." My voice comes out choppy and tight.

He sighs and takes a step closer to me. "Fine. If you stay, I can sleep on the floor if you want. I'm going to go take a shower." He looks defeated.

When he closes the bathroom door, I collapse on the bed. This is just too much right now. I just want to sleep. I get ready for bed and crawl under the quilt on my side. When Tobias is done in the bathroom, he opens the door and stands right by the bed. I face the wall away from him. "Do you want me to sleep on the floor?" He sounds exhausted.

"You can do whatever you want." I feel numb. I barely notice him get into bed beside me.

As he moves closer to me, he wraps his arms around my waste. He says, "thank you for not leaving." I don't say anything in response. I feel like we have just been through a battle and I have come out the loser. I am not happy.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you to everyone who keeps reviewing this story. I must tell you though, I see the end in sight. **

**This chapter is quite a bit different from the last one. Enjoy!**

What am I doing? What is wrong with me? Did I really just have us go to sleep without talking about this and figuring this out? I can't believe I did that. I'm always the one telling Tobias to talk to me and now I do the exact opposite. As I lie here next to a sleeping Tobias, I hate myself. This has to stop. Without thinking about the time, I flip on the bedside lamp. I turn towards Tobias and shake him as I say, "wake up." He wakes with a start and looks around like something is wrong.

"What's wrong?"

"I want to talk about why I am so mad."

He frowns and squints his eyes at the clock next to him. "Tris, it is four in the morning. Can this wait until we actually wake up for the day?" He seems a bit annoyed at me.

"No, it can't wait. I should've said something sooner, but I didn't." When I see that he is going to listen to what I have to say, I start in. "I went by the training room yesterday afternoon when I finished with Christina. When I went in, you and Zeke were talking about us and then you mentioned my fear. Because he didn't react in surprise, he already knew about it. As if you telling him about that wasn't bad enough, then you two proceeded to laugh at me. That's when I left. I couldn't believe you would do that."

He just looks at me for a minute. "Tris, it really isn't as bad as you think it is."

"Don't tell me how I am feeling is wrong." I nearly shout at him.

"Fair enough, but you only saw a small portion of our conversation." He sighs outwardly and runs his hands through his hair. "I did tell Zeke about your fear. I'm sorry but he's my best friend and he had been asking me tons of questions about us, so I just told him. We all have strange, irrational, whatever you want to call them, fears and one really doesn't outweigh another. Zeke has some fears that you will never understand. He doesn't understand yours but it doesn't mean he is going to go blab to everyone about it."

"That information wasn't yours to give. It's personal."

"I'm sorry, I should have checked with you first. But it is something that is a part of my life because you are a part of my life. I didn't see it as me revealing anything about you, I was simply having a conversation with my best friend about something in my life. I can see where you would think otherwise though. I'm sorry about that."

"What about when you both started laughing at me?"

"Tris, we weren't laughing at you. Zeke made a bad joke that just happened to be funny, so we laughed. That's it."

"Well, the joke was about me."

"Yes and no. I think it was more about me. Zeke loves to rub it in that I am older than you and he was making a joke about me being old by the time we, um, figured the whole physical thing out. It was innocent, I promise. He wouldn't have, but if he had made a joke about you, I would have kicked his ass and he knows that."

We just sit there looking at each other for a minute. Tobias yawns. Something else is nagging at me but I can't quite put my finger on it. "Is there anything else you would like to talk about?" He looks really tired.

"No, you can go back to sleep. Thanks for waking up." I give him a small smile, crawl over to my side of the bed and turn the light out.

"Sure, anytime." He rolls over so his arms easily go around my waste and I feel him drift off again.

I Guess I understand why he told Zeke what he did. I have told Christina about things Tobias and I do. I haven't asked him how he feels about that, either. Something just feels a bit off still and I can't figure it out. I finally fall asleep myself with this thought on my mind.

In the morning, I don't go to get breakfast with Tobias. Instead, I head straight to Christina's apartment. When I get there, and she lets me in, she is getting ready for work. She looks good and happier than when I saw her yesterday. "How are you doing today? You look good." She smiles when she hears me say this.

"Thanks. I feel okay. I mean, I'll get over this at some point so I might as well go ahead and start. I also don't want people to start feeling bad for me. This thing happens a lot." She shrugs her shoulders. "I guess I was thinking about it yesterday after you left and I realized something. I think I lost a part of who I was when I was with Will. I forgot those things that I liked to do and who I was without him. I think that was part of the problem. So, I have decided to reclaim my life."

"Let me guess, that involves a new outfit?" I smile at her and start chuckling.

"Of course. How did you know?" We are both laughing now.

Before I leave for work, we make plans to get our training class back together tonight for some fun sparring matches. She said she would put it all together. As I walk out of her door, and head to the tattoo center, I can't help but smile at the thought of getting together with everyone later. I also have a different thought, entirely. Something Christina said has hit me hard. I think I have lost a bit of who I am since Tobias and I have gotten together. I don't act like I used to and I seem to spend my time worried about small things that don't really matter much. I know I can figure out a way to regain some of myself and still share a life with him. I'm just going to have to work on it. It's a challenge, and I accept.

At lunch, everyone is there. Our table is full and Christina is going on and on about our sparring tonight. Zeke suggests that the trainers be there to supervise but Christina quickly says no. I'm relieved that Tobias won't be there. This should be something that just my initiate group does together.

He leans closer to me as he says, "I didn't know you all were getting together tonight."

"I didn't know until this morning when I stopped by to check on Christina. I think it's a good idea. It will be good to do something together again."

He just nods his head and turns towards the group again. We all eat lunch in an excited atmosphere and as we are getting up to go back to work, Zeke yells, "hey Tris, when are you going to give me my next tattoo. I really want another one." Everyone stops and looks at me. Most of them had already told me they wanted me to give them their next tattoos.

"Oh, I can start officially giving them next week." Everyone hoots and hollers as we clean up our messes and leave. Tobias grabs my hand.

"That's great news. When did you find out?" He lifts our hands up to his mouth to kiss the back of my palm.

"Tori told me today. So, I guess I'll stay pretty busy for the next few weeks."

He kisses me and heads off.

Dinner is hard to get through because none of us are really interested in food. We just want to get on with the fun. When we finally get to the training room, we spend time boxing, throwing knives, shooting guns, and some of the group even break out in arm wrestling matches. We are all competitive but it isn't like when we were going through training; no one is focused on killing or getting the top ranking. When we are done in the training room, we decide to split up into groups and go play a game of capture the flag. We all get on the train and head out to the same spot we went during training. The night is cool and it feels so good to be outside doing something physical again. We play for hours. Christina's team wins and we make plans for a rematch. It is well past midnight when we finally get back to the compound.

When I walk into the apartment, Tobias is sitting on the bed looking worried. "Are you okay?" I'm sure my ratty appearance does nothing for his level of concern. I have some dried blood on one of my shoulders from the boxing and I can feel some caked on mud down the side of my face from our game.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I can't help but smile. I am more than fine.

"Where were you? I went by the training room and you all weren't there."

"We decided to go play capture the flag. It was great." I shrug. "You didn't have to stay up. I know it's late. I'm going to jump in the shower and get cleaned up."

While I'm in the shower, I think back on the day. It was by far, the best day I have had in a long time. I felt free in a way I haven't recently. It was just fun. When I get out, Tobias is under the quilt but he is still awake. I crawl in beside him. I turn so I am facing him and I grab his face and give him a kiss. "I had so much fun today." I can't help the smile that spreads across my face. "We made plans to go zip lining tomorrow evening. It's good to be around everyone again. This time it's less stressful and just fun."

"I'm glad you had a nice time." He nuzzles my neck with his nose and I feel myself drifting off to sleep. I faintly hear Tobias chuckle beside me then he whispers, "goodnight." I try to say something in response but I am already gone.


	15. Chapter 15

**Two chapter updates in the same day? What? You are welcome! You might even get another before the day is over - I make no promises, but it is looking good. :)**

**Happy reading! Enjoy!**

The next few days are pretty normal except for the evenings. During the days, we all do our jobs and eat together and in the evenings, we hang out and have fun. One night we went zip lining, another we just rode the train around the city a few times and one night we had that capture the flag rematch game. Tonight we are going star gazing. I really have no idea what that even entails.

At lunch, everyone seems pretty excited about tonight but Tobias sits next to me real quiet. "Are you okay? You aren't saying much." I lean in so he is the only one who can hear me.

He shrugs and smiles at me. "I'm fine. I just miss spending time with you, that's all." I feel a pang of guilt go through me. I have been so focused this week on going out with my friends and having fun, Tobias and I haven't really spent much time together.

"Why don't you come out with us tonight? I know it's not the same as just the two of us spending time together but you might have fun."

"I don't want to intrude on what you and your friends have planned."

"You won't be intruding. A few of them talked about bringing their significant others and I even think Zeke is planning on going."

"Okay, that sounds like fun." He smiles and kisses my neck.

"Hey, save that for later." Zeke chucks a piece of ice at Tobias as he says this and we all start laughing.

We all meet up after dinner and head out to where we are going to star gaze. It isn't quite dark enough to see any stars yet. Some people have brought blankets and a few have brought chairs to sit on. We brought a blanket. We end up going to the same place where we came the day after the big party when we had the bonfire and hung out with Tobias's friends. We all get settled in our spots and then Zeke brings out the beer. Of course. He doesn't have much, though so I don't think anyone is going to get too drunk tonight. I can't imagine having to deal with anyone being drunk and trying to get them back on the train and inside the compound. That doesn't sound like fun.

As we are drinking and waiting for it to get dark enough to see some stars, we decide on a game of hide and go seek with a tag element added in. Zeke and Christina are the first ones "it" so the rest of us run. Tobias hides with me behind a group of trees. When we get there, we are slightly out of breath from sprinting. This doesn't stop him from pushing me against a tree trunk to kiss me. The kiss turns into an all-out make out session. I don't flinch when he put his hands on my waist, under my shirt. His lips trail down to my neck and being with him like this just feels so good. We haven't done this in a long time. When he starts to move his hands up my stomach, I grab his hands. Nearly out of breath, I say, "not here." He kisses me some more and doesn't move his hands again. We hear some squealing near where we are hiding and we are forced apart. We take off running so we aren't caught.

The game ended up being really fun. Zeke was the overall winner and watching him face off against Tobias for the title was hilarious. They kept trying to outsmart the other one until finally, Zeke overpowered him. I don't think Zeke is going to let this go for quite some time.

It is dark now so we all make our way back to our blankets and chairs. The night sky is beautiful. We all just sit there for a while looking at the stars in the sky. We see a few shooting ones. As the night goes on, we tell stories, jokes and just enjoy hanging out with each other. Tobias and I are lying on our blanket. He is behind me and we are both on our sides. He is tracing his fingers along my stomach under my shirt. He continues to talk to everyone as he does this. It feels nice. There is no threat attached to it so I am at ease and can enjoy it.

We stay out longer than we probably should. By the time we all make it back to the compound, it is after midnight. We all head back to our apartments. When we get to ours, I walk in and flop on the bed. Tobias comes up behind me and dramatically flops on top of me. We both start laughing at his actions. He seems younger tonight. He starts kissing me more and it feels like it did when we were behind the trees. When he deepens the kiss, and I can tell he wants to keep going, I stop him. "What's wrong?" He sounds confused when he asks this.

"Nothing. It's just really late and we both have to work tomorrow. Why don't we do this another day?"

He sighs, and gets off the bed as he says, "okay." I feel a bit bad because I can tell he really wanted this.

We are both asleep as soon as we turn the lights out. These past few days have really just worn me out. I love it. Tonight was really fun. I'm glad Tobias came with us. It was nice to share one of our outings together.

The next morning and afternoon go by just like any other day. The only difference is that no one makes plans to do anything tonight. Tobias seems happy about that. After dinner, I convince him to go with me to the training room. I want to box with him. When we get there, Christina and Will are there. I have no idea if they are back together but they do look happy. We all switch off between boxing partners and it is a good energy release. Christina gets a good shot in on me and I can feel a bruise forming instantly on my side. She has a wicked gleam in her eye and a look of satisfaction on her face. So, I smack it off for her and we both fall to the ground laughing.

After a while, Tobias says he is ready to leave. "Okay, I'll see you later then." I turn back to Christina and Will.

"You aren't going to leave with me?" He sounds surprised.

"No, I'm not ready to leave yet. I won't stay much longer." I turn back around to where Christina and Will are and after a while, I hear the door close behind me. Tobias must have left.

I only stay another hour or so hanging out with Christina and Will. It definitely seems like they are back together. I will have to ask her about it when we are alone next.

When I get back to the apartment, Tobias is already showered and sitting on the bed. "Hey, you look nice and clean." I smile as I lean down to kiss him. "I'm going to go take a shower."

While I have my clothes off, I look at the side where Christina got me good. Just as I anticipated, there is a large blue/black bruise. It is pretty tender. I shower and get ready. Tobias is still sitting on the bed when I come out of the bathroom. "Come here." I move over to wear he is sitting. My stomach is at eye level with him. He grabs the bottom of my shirt and lifts it just a touch to look at my bruise. "I thought it would already be looking like that," he says as he gently brushes his fingers over it.

"Yeah, I did too. It's not very often anymore that someone gets a hit on me like that." I smile and he smiles up at me.

"It was harder to watch than I thought it would be." Creases form on his forehead as he recalls the scene. He tentatively moves his face closer to my exposed stomach and kisses my skin. I am standing stock still. He doesn't move my shirt up any further but continues to kiss the exposed skin. I feel myself relaxing into his comforting touch and I find my fingers in his wet hair as I pull our bodies closer together. "I wanted to do this to you so many times after you got hurt during training." It's a sweet confession.

"It's probably a good thing you didn't. I wouldn't have known what to do." We both start chuckling at that.

"You're right; you have certainly come a long way." He looks back to my stomach and follows his hands with his eyes as he traces patterns against my skin.

I lean down again and press a kiss to his forehead. "We both have." I surprise him a bit by moving closer and sitting so I am straddling his lap. His hands move around to my back but he doesn't break contact with my skin. I lean in to kiss him. We kiss and sit like this for a while until Tobias pulls away from me.

"I need to ask you something." He waits for a response.

"Okay." I just look at him expectantly.

"You have seemed different lately and I was wondering why that was."

"I don't think that's a question." I smile and give him a playful look.

When I don't continue, he rests his forehead against mine. "Tris..."

I pull back so we are again looking at one another. "Do you mean a good different or a bad different?" I am a bit worried about what his response will be.

After a minute of thinking about it, he says, "both, maybe. I think it's mainly just different."

I shrug my shoulders. "After our last fight, I just realized that I needed to make some changes for me. I talked to Christina and she told me that one of the things that went wrong in her relationship with Will was that she lost a part of herself. I feel the same way. I think I've lost something since we have started being together. So, I guess the difference you have noticed is me trying to find that again."

"You think it's my fault you feel that way?" He says this a bit harsher than I think he intended.

I lean in and kiss him until I feel him relax a bit. When I pull away, I say, "of course not. You really have little to do with it. I think this must just happen in new relationships. The focus was on what we were going to do and spending so much time together. I didn't give myself any time to focus on me. I just joined this faction and I'm a completely different person than when I started training. I just need to figure out who that person is."

"Then why did you start pulling away from me? That's one of the changes I have seen and it made me think maybe you wanted to get out of our relationship."

"Tobias, that's not what I want at all. I'm sorry that it has seemed that way. I have been trying to work on a balance of time spent as a couple and apart so I could find parts of myself I feel I've lost, but I guess I need to work on the balance more. Sorry about that."

"It's okay. You have just seemed so much happier in the last week. Were you happier spending less time with me?"

"No, that's not it. I've been happier because I have been doing more things for myself. I have been having fun in a way I have never experienced. You know how it was growing up; fun wasn't really something we got much of. I joined Dauntless because they always looked so free. I think I forgot that. I didn't join to find a guy; you were a wonderful bonus to my choice." I kiss him again as I finish my statement.

When we pull apart, Tobias asks, "okay, how can I help with this?" I give him a look of confusion. He shrugs and looks back at me. "I want to be a part of making us work. I think figuring out how we can do that as individuals as well as a couple sounds right. So, how can I help?"

"I'm not really sure. I think finding that balance is going to be where we need to work the most. Maybe we can split our time evenly between doing things on our own or with friends and just spending time with each other. I'm sure it won't be perfect at first. We'll just have to make something work for us."

He stares in my eyes as he says, "thanks for explaining to me what was going on." Next, he leans his forehead to rest against mine. "I'm in this for the long haul. I want us to figure this out." He holds me close and whispers in my ear, "I'm not going to let you go." In that moment, I feel so happy, content and wanted. How did I get this lucky?

"I'm not going to let you go, either." We both smile and then I lean down, pushing his body against the bed.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you again for the reviews and the following! You all really are the best - I mean it!**

**I have decided to end this story here. I decided to do this for a few reasons: 1) My life is too busy right now to keep it up, 2) I feel like the characters are changing too much away from their original personalities in the book, and 3) I think that continuing would be just more of the same things I've already written. So, don't be too sad about it. I tried to tie it up a bit but leave enough so you could use your imagination and see where they go from here.**

**Keep reading - there are lots of good stories out there. On another note, thankfully we don't have to wait too long for the next book installment, ****_Allegiant._**

I wake up to Tobias kissing my neck. It's pretty early. "Morning." I stretch a bit but don't move from his arms.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." He says this without taking his mouth far from my neck.

I giggle. "Yes you did."

I feel him smile against my neck. "Maybe I did." I smile in return.

I am lying on my side with my back against his front. One of his hands is tracing circles on the bare skin of my stomach. His mouth keeps kissing my neck and my ears. This feels good. "I think I could get used to waking up like this." He doesn't respond but I can feel him smile against me. He continues to kiss me. Periodically, a sigh or moan escapes from my mouth. I feel slightly embarrassed but this feels too good to care.

In a whisper I can barely hear, Tobias says, "I want to touch you." I am very still. I don't give myself long to think about it though. If I'm honest with myself, I want it too.

"I'm not stopping you." His breathing changes and it is a bit labored. He doesn't do anything for a while; he just continues to kiss me. As I was thinking he had changed his mind, his hand starts moving further up my shirt. I freeze but I don't stop him.

I didn't know I was holding my breath until I hear him say, "Tris, you have to breathe." I suck in a huge gulp of air and we both let out awkward chuckles. I feel good and warm and wanted and I might even feel a bit sexy. He wants me. I push all my insecurities aside and just enjoy his touch. He moves his hand to the bottom of my shirt and asks, "can I take this off?" At those words, my insecurities fly back into my mind quicker than I thought possible. I feel small and inadequate and I hate that. I can't say anything in response so I just shake my head no. "It's okay, that's fine."

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologize." He tries to reassure me. I don't dwell on it too much because I think he likes what he is doing. This is all new for us and we are experiencing it together.

We stay in bed like this until we have to get up and get ready for our day. "I think I'll go take a shower, a very cold shower." We both laugh at this admission from him.

When we are both ready to head to breakfast, I throw my arms around him. "Thanks for the wakeup call." We laugh as we walk down the hall together. Everyone is there, so we all talk as we eat then head to work.

My morning goes by as usual. I get everything set up for the day and make sure everything is in order for clients that may come in. Today is the first day that I will actually get to give tattoos and I am a bit nervous. I haven't messed anything up in a long time but there is still that idea of permanence that makes me nervous. A tattoo is for a lifetime and that is one commitment I can't even think about. Honestly, I never even thought about that when I got the tattoos I currently have.

I am in the back, going through some inventory when Tori walks back and tells me that I have my first customer. I take a deep breath and she gives me an encouraging look. As I walk to the front, I see Tobias standing at the counter. "Hey, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at work?"

He shrugs and has a huge grin on his face. "I wanted to be your first customer. I took a few hours off. Will is looking after things."

"No." I look back at him, stunned.

He scowls and looks right at me, "why not?"

"I just...what if I mess up?"

"Well, I guess it's better to do that on my skin than some innocent patron. Don't be silly. I trust you completely." As he moves to sit down at my station, he takes his shirt off. I just stand there. He looks at me over his shoulder and smirks. "I am a paying customer, you know." This snaps me out of my daze and I move over to sit on the stool next to him.

"Sorry, um, do you know what you want?"

His gaze locks on mine. "Yes, I do." His stare, paired with the tone of his voice makes me blush. I have to get it together. I really hadn't thought about giving Tobias a tattoo. Our other friends had told me they all wanted me to give them their next ink but Tobias never said anything.

I clear my voice and try to focus. "What design would you like?" I emphasize the word design as I ask the question.

He smiles at me. "I want a raven." Oh, just like my birds. This surprises me. Tobias grabs my hand and holds on to it. "And I want it placed right here." He picks up my hand and lays it on his chest, right above his heart. I freeze.

"No."

Again he looks at me with a scowl but there is tenderness behind his eyes. He rubs my hand and keeps it over his heart. "Tris, it's what I want." It is a plea and whispered so only I can hear it.

"Why?" I whisper back.

He locks onto my eyes as he just stares at me. This gaze makes me blush again and I suddenly feel nervous.

Quickly he moves so he is just inches away from me. My hand still rests on his chest and he is staring intently into my eyes. "Tris, I love you. That's why." I try to let this sink in but my entire body is on fire. I feel my hands start to shake a bit. I look down at where my hand rests against him. "You are already in my heart, now I want it represented on my skin." I don't know what to say. I just sit there staring at my hand. "Tris, you need to breathe." Just like this morning, I start breathing and we both chuckle. It lightens the mood a touch.

I move my hand and embrace Tobias. "Tobias...," I just sit there hugging him and I can feel his heartbeat against my body. It's rapid. "Tobias, I love you, too." He squeezes his arms tighter around me and pulls back to kiss me. After a few minutes, he stops and rests his forehead against mine.

"Tris, will you do this for me?" How can I deny him anything? I nod my head and he sits back with a satisfied grin on his face. "Well that's good; otherwise I was going to have to complain to the management." He looks happy. I smile at him.

"Are you sure you want it on your chest? You don't have anything else there. You don't need to do this for me, you know that right?"

"Of course I want it on my chest and of course I know I don't need to this for you. Actually, I'm not doing this for you at all; this is for me."

I leave his side to make a pattern to use and to get everything in order. I clean off his skin, give the area a quick shave and apply the pattern right where he wants it. "This is your last chance to back out."

"Not a chance." He smiles.

As I give him the tattoo, his eyes don't leave my face once. I glance up at him every once in a while but I mainly focus on the task in front of me. Occasionally, I feel my hands start to shake and I have to shake them out a bit. He doesn't flinch once and it's clear the pain isn't doing anything to him. When I am done, I clean him up and put my tools away. I hand him a small mirror. "Well, what do you think?"

He looks at it from a few different angles. He puts the mirror down and looks at me. "I love it, just like I love you." He is testing out the words. He leans over and kisses me gently. "What do you think about it?"

I look at his chest and at the mark I have just permanently placed above his heart. It's funny; the bird looks so delicate next to his hard muscles. The lines are clean and it looks like I did a pretty good job. "It looks good. I like it."

I continue to look at him as he sits in front of me. In that moment, I realize that our lives are made up of choices that we make daily. Tobias chose to love me even though I don't make it easy at times. I chose to not stop him this morning because I wanted to feel close to him in a way I hadn't before. The best choice I made was to love Tobias and I'm sick of letting fear get in the way of that. I'm tired of hiding behind it and letting it control my life.

Tobias starts laughing as I continue to stare at him. I feel my face turn red at being caught. I go ahead and wrap up his tattoo and hand him back his shirt. He puts it on and stands up. "Thanks for being my first customer." I wrap my arms around him.

He laughs and looks down at me with raised eyebrows. "Thanks for letting me. I didn't realize that you were going to put up such a fight." He chuckles as he leans his forehead down and rests it against mine. "I love you Tris." He kisses me softly.

"I love you, too. Thanks for taking a chance on me."

As he pulls away to leave, he smiles and says, "It's been the best gamble I ever made." As he walks away, I stare after him and think, I couldn't agree more.


End file.
